


Fireside

by twisting_vine_x



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: (my love for cows is very apparent in this fic), AU, Angst, First Time, Fluff, Levi is a major Tolkien nerd, Levi!POV, M/M, Power Outage, Sharing Body Heat, Snowed In, UST, adorkable nerds, age gap (Levi is 34 and Eren is 21), bonding over cosplay, cuddling for warmth, farm au, fluffy sexy times, inexperienced!Eren, like serious amounts of UST (that eventually gets resolved), set in the middle of winter in Canada, snowstorm AU, so much cuddling, some mental health issues (additional notes for any relevant chapters), this is basically two strangers meeting and falling way too hard and way too fast, tons of adorable animals
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-29
Updated: 2015-10-17
Packaged: 2018-04-11 20:48:20
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 37,853
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4451828
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/twisting_vine_x/pseuds/twisting_vine_x
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A/N: Essentially, the one in which Levi ditches his car and ends up half-frozen on Eren’s doorstep, and then falls harder for Eren in four days than he’s ever fallen for anyone in his life.</p><p>Basically, this story shall contain roaring fires, hot chocolate, a whole roster of adorable animals (cause Eren’s spending his reading week watching over Hanji’s farm in frozen Alberta, whereas Levi is an author who lives in Vancouver), a bunch of cuteness with Eren and Levi bonding over nerdy shit; and, essentially, Levi and Eren being trapped together for days, with both of them realizing just how compatible they are, and with both of them aware of the fact that they're from different worlds and live entire provinces apart.</p><p>- - -</p><p>
  <i>Levi’s known this kid for maybe four hours. There’s no reason for him to feel this protective.</i>
</p><p>
  <i>The wind’s still howling outside, though, and Levi still can’t feel his toes.</i>
</p><p>
  <i>Eren may well have saved his life, by opening his door.</i>
</p><p>
  <i>Maybe Levi’s allowed to feel a bit protective in return.</i>
</p><p>- - -</p><p>Now with gorgeous chapter ten art by <a href="http://tinyurl.com/opkoksc">strawberryxtruffles</a>. Thank you so much, m'dear. :)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Note: This story shall also contain background Erwin/Mike and Hanji/Moblit. :)
> 
> (Chapter one: CW for a brief almost-panic attack, and for discussion of OCD.)

Levi is an idiot. An absolute fucking idiot.

He’s also maybe sort of starting to panic just a bit.

It’s hard not to, with the way he’s damn near stopped dead in the middle of the road - because he can’t even see out his damn window anymore, even with the wipers going as quick as they can. Can barely bring himself to press the gas, at all, with how badly his car keeps wanting to fishtail all over; but the snow’s piled up on the roadsides, too. It’s not like he has anywhere to pull over.

This was a horrible idea.

All he’d wanted was to get back to the city in time for Erwin’s birthday. To be able to keep him company while Mike’s out of town, so that Erwin didn’t have to spend his damn birthday alone.

Nature, it seems, doesn’t give a shit about what Levi wants. If it did, he wouldn’t be crawling along in a blinding blizzard, his fucking phone long since gone dead; and he’s pretty sure that he’s maybe definitely a bit lost. Pretty sure he missed a turn somewhere back there; because his gas is a lot lower than it should be, and he’s not even sure how long he’s been driving, at this point.

“Son of a bitch.”

And, yeah, that’s definitely a low wave of panic.

Realizes that he’s clutching the wheel a bit too tight, and eases off.

Focuses ahead, as best he can, and concentrates on staying on the road.

He just needs to keep driving. Eventually, he’ll pass a house. Find a phone. Figure something out. He just needs to – only realizes he’s heading for the ditch when he’s already half way in it.

Barely has time to go limp before – he doesn’t hit that hard, really, but it’s enough.

Enough that he can’t quite move, at first, his chest aching and his hands shaking.

Kills the ignition, then, and just – feels a shiver sneak down his spine, and squeezes his eyes shut. Realizes he’s got his hands wrapped back around the wheel, and slowly unlocks his fingers.

He literally hasn’t seen another car for hours.

He’s ditched it in a snowstorm with nobody around –

It’s just past six. He literally has to make it all the way until morning – and then for however long it takes after that for someone to drive by. _If_ the roads are even open in the morning. He could – with how low his tank is already running, he could run out of gas and freeze before then.

Christ. 

Feels another shudder sneak down his spine.

Is it even safe to leave the car running right now?

Beside him, his dead cellphone is lying on the car floor, mocking him. Levi barely has the energy to glare at it, before he puts his head down on the wheel, a wave of panic stealing his breath.

What if he nicked something when he ditched it, and the car catches fire with him in it?

He only realizes he’s opened the door and climbed out when he’s knee-deep in snow. Watches as some of it tumbles into the car, and – he’s being irrational. He _knows_ he is. He’s panicking. He – he’s fucking _freezing_ , now, the wind cutting through his sweater; and he needs to get back in the car. Needs to – feels like he's been punched in the chest when he looks up and sees a mailbox.

He’s crashed pretty much right in front of it.

Faint, barely there through the snow – but it’s there.

Feels his knees maybe wobble, a bit, under the crushing wave of gratitude.

Because if there’s mailbox, then – through all that snow – there must be a driveway.

Reaching down, he picks up his keys, closes the door, and starts to walk.

\- - -

By the time Levi reaches the house – the driveway seems endless – he’s got tears in his eyes.

It’s a physiological response to his body just being way too fucking too cold. A response to the way the wind is scraping across his face. It’s got nothing to do with how utterly miserable he is.

Doesn’t make him feel any less pathetic, though.

He can’t curl his fingers to knock on the door, so he settles for hitting it with his palm, as hard as he can. If there’s a doorbell, it’s not lit up, and he can’t see it. Hell, he can barely see the house, and –

The door slowly creaks open, and light spills out.

Levi’s not sure what he was expecting, but it wasn’t someone stupidly attractive.

Knows that he’s probably gaping, a bit, which – god, he’s half-frozen, what is _wrong_ with him.

Watches as the guy watches him, wide-eyed, his mouth hanging open; and then he’s yanking the door back, and Levi stumbles inside. He can’t feel his feet. Can’t feel his hands. His cheeks are on fire. And he _still_ has tears in his eyes. And his rescuer still looks shocked, which – yeah, Levi should probably explain himself, now that he’s just fucking barged in.

“Ditched m-my –”

“Come with me, alright?”

And – what?

Apparently he’s not moving fast enough, though, because the kid's  _tugging on his fucking arm_ – and maybe Levi’s brain is as frozen as the rest of him, because he lets himself be tugged. Knows he’s tracking snow all across the clean floor. Ends up standing in the kitchen with his eyes closed against how much it fucking _burns,_ his hands underneath the tap and the boy standing beside him.

“Lukewarm. It should –”

“Mother _f-fucking_ –”

“Yeah, I know. Um, I’ll find you some dry clothes, too, if –”

“I-I –”

“Um, warm shower first, or –”

“What are y-you doing?”

It would probably sound more convincing, if his voice didn’t sound so shredded.

His hands really fucking _hurt._

Watches as his rescuer stares at him, and then scowls in a way that could actually do Levi proud, and - even through the pain in his hands, Levi knows that he's just kind of shamelessly staring at his host, now, which is just  _horrible_. This boy's got to be well past legal - got to be in his twenties, at least - but that still doesn't mean that Levi should be staring at him. _Especially_ given that he basically just invaded this guy's house.

“Well, _excuse me_ , then, for trying to help.”

Levi knows that his mouth is hanging open, now. Watches as the kid scowls even harder at him.

“You’re basically an ice block. So sue me if I’d rather you didn’t die in my kitchen.”

“I –”

“But if you’d rather I didn’t –”

“I – I-I show up on y-your doorstep in the middle of _nowhere_ –”

“This isn’t _nowhere_ –”

“– and you just let me in and offer me basically free range of your house?”

“Would you have preferred I let you freeze to death?”

He’s still scowling. Levi opens his mouth, and then closes it again. What is this boy _thinking_.

“You got anyone else here, then?”

And – alright, maybe that wasn’t the best question; because the kid goes tense just about everywhere. Doesn’t take a step back, but it looks a bit like he wants to; and Levi takes a breath. 

“Look, I just meant – I-I was expecting a phone through t-the door, maybe. Or some kindly little farmer family with _many people_ . Not someone w-who lets strangers in without _any_ kind of back-up –”

“Try anything and I’ll turn you into a pretzel.”

“That – that’s _so_ not the –”

“Now, do you want that shower or not?”

There’s still a scowl to go with the words; and, holy _christ,_ this boy is one hell of a spitfire.

A beautiful snarky spitfire who rescues frozen idiots who crash their cars, apparently.

Levi knows that he’s gaping, again, and makes himself close his mouth. Stares right back, for a moment; and then he closes his eyes, because – shit. He’s really fucked everything up, hasn’t he.

“What I _want_ is a tow truck so I can get back to the city.”

He still doesn’t quite sound like himself. Feels his hands clench under the burning water.

“Nobody’s gonna drive out here in this weather.”

“I need to –”

“Look, you’re stuck here for tonight, stranger, so you might as well make the best of –”

“No, I have to – tomorrow, I need to be in –”

“What’s the rush?”

Levi keeps his eyes closed. Uncurls and curls his fingers under the water. Thinks of Erwin sitting alone in his and Mike’s apartment, spending his birthday with the TV and some bad take-out.

“Because unless this is a life-or-death situation, man –”

“It’s my best friend’s birthday.”

And – alright, that came out a hell of a lot more pathetic-sounding than he wanted it to.

Maybe his brain’s still a bit frozen.

Realizes the room’s too quiet, and opens his eyes to find the kid suddenly looking a bit more sympathetic than Levi can really deal with. Swallows, and takes his hands out of the water. Doesn’t have anywhere to dry them, though, so they just hang awkwardly until his host sighs and hands him a towel. Levi doesn’t manage to look at him as he dries his hands, and then hands it back.

“Look, I’m sorry about your friend’s birthday –”

“No, it’s – it’s fine, I didn’t mean –”

“It sucks, is what it is. But you’re – look, alright, I’m sorry, but you _are_ gonna be stuck here, so – why don’t you snag a shower, and I’ll find you some clothes, okay?”

And – his host is smiling at him, now. A small smile, sure, but still a smile, which –

Oh, god.

Levi has butterflies.

Actual honest-to-god _butterflies_.

What the hell is _wrong_ with him.

“And then we can – I dunno, either awkwardly ignore each other all evening, or –”

“I-I –”

“ _Or,_ option two, I’ve – well, I’ve got a fuck ton of TV on my hard drive, if you’d rather –”

“Why are you doing this?”

He probably shouldn’t ask. Should just take this boy’s hospitality and be grateful for it.

In his experience, though, people are rarely this nice. Especially not to strangers. Watches as his host frowns at him, again, before he smiles, a bit, in a way that almost looks a bit shy, and – oh, _christ_ , the kid’s kind of blushing, suddenly; and Levi is pretty sure he's going straight to hell.

“Well, maybe I just don’t want you leaving puddles on my kitchen floor.”

And – right.

Levi looks down. He hasn’t even taken his boots off.

“I –”

“Come on, then.”

“But –”

“Let’s get you dry. And then we can call the tow truck companies, just in case, okay?”

The guy’s cheeks are still a bit pink, and, _wow,_ that’s one hell of a wave of gratitude; and, yeah, Levi’s absolutely fucked, it seems. Manages a nod, at least, and follows the kid out of the room.

\- - -

It isn’t until he’s halfway through his shower – warm, _gloriously warm_ , water – when he realizes that he doesn’t even know his host’s name.

Stands there for a second, head against the wall, and the shower pounding on his back; but naked and soaking wet really isn’t the best time to be thinking about his host. Squeezes his eyes shut.

He’s not living in a porno.

In real life, you don’t crash your car and then end the night in your rescuer’s bed. You just – and _especially_ don’t go there when there’s such an age difference. God, he’s such an _idiot_.

\- - -

By the time he’s out of the shower and in new clothes, he’s not doing much better.

Might be doing worse, actually; because apparently the kid’s even left him a belt, to hold his baggy jeans up properly, which – christ, why couldn’t his host just be really conventionally attractive but also a massive _jerk_ on top of it. Why did he have to go and be so fucking _nice_.

Because Levi’s in warm, dry clothes, now – the sweater’s too big, just like the pants, but he’d expected all of that – and he’s even been given a new toothbrush and some floss and toothpaste; and he’s got a new package of simple black underwear, still wrapped. Levi had maybe blushed like an idiot putting them on, and had maybe been trying to not imagine his host wearing the same damn ones, and – _why_ did this boy have to go and be nice and considerate? And why did he have to go and be a sarcastic little spitfire, too, in the same way that Levi is?

It’s only when Levi realizes that he’s kind of been staring at nothing for a bit that he sighs and rubs his hands across his face, and then wraps his arms around himself, pulling the sweater tighter around him.

The situation’s getting to him. That’s what it is.

He’s stranded, and the kid’s taken care of him, and given him shelter; and just because he feels like something out of some torrid whirlwind romance novel, that doesn’t give him the right to be such an idiot about this. He’ll spend the night, and then get the hell out of here coming morning.

\- - -

The living room is roaring hot from the fireplace, and it looks like something right out of any farm cliché. An old TV, dark wooden walls, a bunch of couches and some old sofa chairs, and –

There’s hot chocolate waiting for him, too.

Hot chocolate and a hot water bottle, even, all sitting on a table by the couch.

And there’s a mountain of blankets on the couch, too.

And his rescuer is somehow managing to look defiant and embarrassed at the same time, which has somehow resulted in him being so fucking _cute_ that Levi can feel his teeth grind together.

God, he’s so fucked.

“Figured you, um. Might still be cold. I –”

“How are you even real?”

And – alright.

He didn’t mean to say that.

And now the kid’s blushing so bad Levi’s pretty sure he can warm up from the heat on his face.

“Hey, you’re the one who came in here half-frozen. Forgive me if I want to make sure –”

“You really okay with me spending the night here?”

“Don’t see what choice I have.”

He doesn’t sound that pissed about it, but, well – it’s true. Levi’s really put this boy in a shitty situation. There’s nowhere else for Levi to go. And Levi swallows through the wave of guilt.

“Could, um. Always put me in the barn, or something.”

It’s the best he has. Not much of a joke, but –

“Hey, hang on, no, that was a _joke.”_

Because he might not know this kid, but it looks like he’s actually _considering_ it – and then his host shrugs, not looking at all guilty about it, and, holy shit, no, Levi doesn’t want to sleep in a _barn._

“I was _kidding –”_

“I’ve done it before. Dead of winter, even. Cows keep ya plenty warm.”

“Cows?”

His voice cracks. Actually fucking _cracks._

But he can’t sleep in a barn with a bunch of cows, oh, god, he can’t, that would be _disgusting –_

The kid is laughing at him. Full-on bright-eyed, hands on his knees, laughing at him.

Levi should probably be offended.

Probably shouldn’t be thinking about how that’s the nicest sound he’s heard in a long time.

“Holy shit, man, your _face –”_

“Shut up.”

“That was _beautiful –”_

“Piss off. What’s your name, anyway?”

“Eren. And, dude, I swear, I have _never_ seen someone look that terrified over the idea of –”

“Anyone ever told you, Eren, that you’re a jerk and that your sense of humour sucks?”

“I wasn’t joking. And did anyone ever tell _you_ it’s rude to tell your saviour to shut up?”

 _“Saviour?_ You gotta be –”

“Damn right. And if you don’t prove by lights-out that you’re _not_ a sketchy douchbag, maybe I really _will_ make you sleep in the barn –”

“Please don’t.”

And –

Okay. That came out a lot more honest than he had intended.

And now he’s made things awkward. A second ago, Eren was laughing. Now, he’s frowning. Staring at Levi like he’s trying to figure him out. Levi just barely manages to not look away.

“Hey, um – what’s your name, anyway?”

It’s soft, and a little too sincere; and Levi swallows. Why is his stomach fluttering like this?

God, it’s been _years_ since someone gave him butterflies.

And this _someone_ might still make him sleep outside with the cows.

It’s probably marginally better than trying to sleep in his car, at least.

“Levi. My name’s – look, I swear I’m not sketchy, I just –”

Eren holds out of his hand, and it takes Levi a second to realize why.

Takes him even longer to make his legs work enough to step forward.

Eren’s palm is warm and soft, when Levi shakes his hand. It doesn’t last long, but Levi can feel the warmth spreading all the way up his arm. Can see the way Eren’s blushing, too, even though he still looks concerned; and to hell with the pile of blankets. Levi’s warm all the way through.

“Levi. It’s – good, to meet you. Despite the, um – odd circumstances.”

Levi has no idea what to say. Stares like an idiot, even as Eren’s frown deepens a bit.

“You, um – really hate that barn idea, don’t you?”

“Yes.”

“Hmm. Could I lock you in a closet?”

“No.”

“Maybe I have a room that locks from the outside?”

“I can always go back to my car if –”

“And leave me to deal with a frozen corpse in the morning? Hardly.”

Eren’s smile looks a little strained, suddenly. Levi feels like an idiot, again.

For all that Eren was laughing a second ago, yeah, Levi’s still a stranger. And Levi doesn’t know if he’d be able to sleep if he was put in a situation where he had to give shelter to a stranger.

“Look, you seem pretty chill – I don’t think we’ll have to resort to such drastic measures. Why don’t you make a nest out of those blankets, or something, and I’ll see what I have on my hard drive, if we wanna –”

“I’m OCD as fuck and the thought of all the germs in a cow stall makes my skin crawl.”

It feels like almost a relief, saying it out loud. It’s not like he talks about this shit often.

And Eren’s mouth is hanging a bit open, too. He looks a bit shocked, and maybe a bit puzzled.

“Um –”

“My name’s Levi. I’m thirty-four. I work for a publishing company in downtown Vancouver, close to Granville and Pender. My best friend’s name is Erwin, and Mike – his boyfriend – is out of town, which is why I’m trying so hard to get home. I was in Saskatoon for a conference and I physically _cannot_ make myself get on a plane so that’s why I was trying to drive home instead –”

“Levi –”

“I have two goldfish. Their names are Frodo and Sam, ’cause I’m a giant fucking nerd. I also –”

“What are you doing?”

“Trying to prove that I’m not some creepy sketchbag.”

“By telling me your life story?”

“If that’s what it takes.”

His heart’s slamming way too hard, suddenly.

He really wants to just curl up into the pile of blankets and disappear forever.

Shit, that’s got to be the most honest he’s been with someone new in _years._

“My name’s Eren. I'm twenty-one. I’m a second-year at a university not too far from here.”

Eren’s voice has softened, a bit. Levi knows that he’s staring, but he can’t seem to look away.

“I’m, um. Majoring in political science, and minoring in gender studies. I’ve got two best friends – Armin and Mikasa – and the person who owns this place is one of my TAs from last year. Hanji. I – I was going through some shit, and Hanji helped me out, and we became friends once I wasn’t their student anymore. I grew up on a farm, too, so I know what I’m doing around here.”

Eren’s eyes are fixed somewhere on the floor, and there’s silence save for the crackle of the fireplace.

What the hell are they doing?

“I’m, uh – OCD about numbers, though – germs, and stuff, don’t really get to me. Just, um. Numbers. And I’m a big fucking nerd, too. Anime, mostly, but plenty of sci-fi and fantasy, as well. I, uh – I even cosplay, sometimes. Nothing too fancy, ’cause I’m still just kind of learning –”

“I went to last year’s Fan Expo as Ed Elric.”

There’s something really, really wrong with his voice.

And the expression on Eren’s face looks almost a little lost, suddenly.

Lost, and maybe something else, though Levi doesn’t know him well enough to tell. Just kind of stares like an idiot, helpless, his mind blank, until Eren maybe blushes a bit, and his lips curve up.

“So, um, do you wanna maybe teach me some cosplay stuff, then?”

“Happily.”

His voice still sounds hoarse, and they’re still staring at each other.

 _Shit,_ this boy is beautiful.

Beautiful, and funny, and – based on how kind he’s been to Levi – a genuinely good person, too.

Levi is _so_ fucked.

“Hey, and, uh – actually, do you have facebook, by chance? If I could see your profile –”

Levi’s voice still isn’t quite working, but he manages a nod, at least; and Eren’s smile, this time, looks genuine. Levi’s pretty sure he could get used to being on the receiving end of that smile.

“Awesome! Perfect. Just, don’t go far, ka? I’ll go find my laptop.”

Eren’s gone all bright-eyed again, and Levi somehow manages another nod. Watches as Eren grins some more, and then leaves the room, Levi leaving with nothing but the fireplace; and Levi doesn’t bother to stop a groan as he sinks down onto the couch and puts his face into his hands.

Fuck.

 _Fuck._  

Of all the deserted farms in the middle of goddamn nowhere, he just _had_ to go and land on the doorstep of the cutest fucking twenty-one-year-old in probably the entire damn Canadian west.

He is so fucking _screwed._


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (CW for a brief almost-panic attack, and a brief OCD moment.)

Over the next hour – as the wind keeps howling outside, and Eren does everything he can to make Levi comfortable; which, god, he really is so fucking _cute_ – Levi learns several things.

One, that after showing Eren both his facebook profile and his publisher’s website – the latter complete with Levi’s photo, even; so at least he’s got photos of himself on two different websites – it seems less likely that he’ll have to sleep in the barn. He’s pretty sure that Eren’s still going to deadbolt his door from the inside, though, and Levi definitely wouldn’t blame him for a second.

Secondly, he learns that there isn’t a single tow truck company willing to brave the drive. He’s not exactly surprised, but it still twinges, a bit. He’s going to have to call Erwin before he sleeps. Maybe he’ll suck it up and sing him happy birthday over the phone, or something. Erwin’s always been a sucker for sappy shit, and if Erwin’s going to be without both Mike and Levi for his birthday, then the least Levi can do is swallow his embarrassment and sing the fucking song.

And, finally – Levi also finds out that he is officially an awkward old dork.

It’s not like that’s news, really. But it’s still a bit painful to have it driven home so mercilessly.

Phone calls and facebook creeping complete, they end up sitting in the living room in what is most definitely an awkward silence. Levi’s on the couch and Eren’s on the floor, close to the fireplace; and Levi knows that he’s sucking at holding up his end of the conversation, but he keeps getting distracting by how good Eren looks by firelight.

God, though, this isn’t some kind of _romance_ movie.

The kid might not even be gay. Or bi. Or whatever. And even if he _is,_ there’s still one hell of an age gap. Levi knows that he’s not exactly hard to look at it – on good days, at least – and he also knows that, while it’s been a good few years since he had sex with someone but himself, he’s pretty damn good at making someone really damn happy in bed; but he’s pretty sure that Eren’s not exactly going to be appreciate being lusted after by some stranger who’s thirteen years older than him.

“So, um – Vancouver’s home, then?”

Eren’s obviously trying for conversation here, and Levi swallows.

The other thing, too, is that it’s been a very long time since he’s spent an extended period of time with anyone other than Mike or Erwin. He’s almost forgotten how to talk to someone new.

“Yeah. I - well, I've published a few books, but I work contract positions, too - working as a freelance editor for various companies, really. Vancouver's got plenty of those, so it works out well enough."

Eren's still watching him, like he's genuinely interested in what Levi's saying; and Levi sucks in a breath. Shit, it's been a long time since someone seemed to care.

"You sound like you enjoy it well enough?"

It sounds a bit hesitant, like Eren's not positive he's reading him right; and Levi nods, trying to ignore the flutter of butterflies when Eren smiles.

Shit, this is ridiculous, Levi is a ridiculous person.

"And is... Vancouver seems like a neat enough city, from what I've heard, at least. Pretty and really green, and stuff?"

Eren still sounds a bit unsure, like he's not sure if he's being too nosy, maybe; and Levi sucks in another breath, trying to ignore the sudden stupid urge to tell Eren more about his life, but - Eren seems to actually be interested, and it's just... it's been a long, long time, wow. A long time since someone seemed to give a damn about what he's saying.

"Um. Yeah. Was born there. My, um – my mom worked too much, and I never met my dad, but – my mom got us through, somehow. She finally moved out to the island, when I was old enough to live on my own – she never really like the whole big city thing – and I got a job at a gas station, at least. Ended up in some horrid cheap shared housing, for a while, and then ran into Erwin at –”

He stops.

Wait. 

He hadn’t meant to –

But Eren’s taking gender studies, after all. Even if he’s straight, maybe he still won’t give a fuck.

“Um. At my first pride, there, actually. He and Mike were looking for someone to help pay rent, and I literally walked right into Erwin ’cause I was stinking drunk, and the two of them are huge,  and they were blocking my way, and I didn’t quite realize it until I’d already walked into them –”

Eren’s laughing.

Levi ends up just kind of helplessly staring.

Shit, people _never_ think he’s funny.

“You – you met your best friend because you were drunk and walked into him?”

“Um. Yes.”

“Oh my god.”

“And, uh. Promptly bounced right off him and landed on my ass, too.”

“Oh my _god –”_

“And then I sat there and cursed at him until I realized that he was drunk, too, and laughing and trying to help me up, and – then it wasn’t so bad, anymore. Was, um. Actually kind of funny.”

“That’s honestly amazing.”

Levi has no idea what to say.

Is it really that amazing? He’s pretty sure he’s never gotten a reaction like this, before.

Shit, maybe Eren actually and truly does think that he’s funny.

Levi doesn’t quite know what to do with that.

“Mikasa and Armin and I all grew up together.”

Eren’s voice has gone soft, again; and his eyes are on his knees.

Levi knows that he’s still staring.

“I lived on a farm out east until I was eleven. Grew up right next to the ocean, which – I loved it more than I’ve, um. Ever been able to put into words, really. But, uh, not long after my birthday my parents had to move us here, trying to find better work, and – well, they succeeded, actually. Got more settled, finally, but they couldn’t have any more kids, and they’d always wanted to, so – they ended up adopting, instead. Mikasa joined us, and then Armin a year later. And I honestly can’t imagine my life without them.”

For a second, Levi doesn’t know what to say – his chest had tightened while Eren had been talking – and then Eren suddenly grins, bright and sweet and right in his direction.

“Shit, you really started something with this whole telling me your life story thing, didn’t you?”

Oh, _god,_ he hopes not. He’s already told Eren more than he’d normally tell anyone.

 _“Or,_ option B, maybe I’ve just got one of those faces that people feel comfortable talking to, and you’ve simply been waiting for someone to come along whom you could dump your heart to –”

“Anyone ever tell you you’re a bit of a jerk, Levi?”

“Many times.”

And – just like that, it’s like it stops being awkward. Like Levi can actually feel the shift.

And he can feel himself smiling back at Eren, too, as Eren grins at him, and –

Shit, though, Levi needs to look away, he needs to _end this_ before he gives himself away –

A sudden whine makes him jump. Eren doesn’t appear to notice, though.

He’s too busy breaking into the sappiest smile that Levi’s probably ever seen in his entire life.

“Oh, why, hello there. So you did decide to wake up and join us, then, did you now?”

Eren’s already holding out his hands, and Levi watches as a dog enters the room.

She’s got to be ancient. And she looks exhausted, but she doesn’t stop until she’s across the room and more or less face-planting into Eren. And Levi feels something in his chest fucking _ache_ when Eren wraps his arms around her and buries his face into her hair, pulling her as close as he can, which –

Levi’s done.

He is so absolutely done.

He is so _completely_ fucked.

God, he hadn’t even realized exactly how cynical he’d gotten, but – he’d forgotten that there could be people like this, in the world. People who are kind to strangers, and who love animals, and who don’t spend their time tearing down others to claw their way up to the top.

Maybe Levi’s been living in the city for too long. Maybe he needs to get the hell out, for a bit.

“Sleepy old puppy. Did you have good dreams?”

It’s like Levi’s not even in the room anymore. Like all of Eren’s existence is focused on this beautiful old dog. And when the dog makes a little huffing noise and Eren’s reaction is to croon out something soft and wrap his legs around her, too, Levi knows that he’s definitely screwed.

No one in the world should be allowed to be this cute and sweet and funny all at the same time.

“She got a name?”

He’s not even sure how he gets it out. It’s better than sitting in silence and kinda dying inside, though.

“Lily. Hanji found her when she was a puppy. Pretty sure she’s about fifteen, now.”

“Well, she seems pretty lovely.”

“Aw, you hear that, Lily? The strange half-frozen man thinks that you’re –”

“Did I mention that your sense of humour is awful?”

“Well, why are you smiling, then?”

Eren’s still smooshing his face against Lily, but his eyes are on Levi, now, and he looks pretty pleased with himself; and Levi swallows. Just barely stops himself as from putting a hand on his face.

Was he smiling?

He totally was.

Oh, _god._

He’s in trouble. He’s in s _o_ much trouble. He needs to get the hell out of here before he makes Eren uncomfortable. God, why is he fucking _trapped_ here, how did this even end up _happening –_

“Oh, god.”

His heart’s just about stopped. Eren’s not smiling anymore.

“What is it?”

“My stuff. My –”

Everything out in his car. All his electronics. His laptop.

It’s all been freezing for hours.

“My stories, my laptop, everything’s on my –”

He can’t lose his writing he _can’t_ and his back-up hard drive is out in the car too he _can’t_ lose _–_

Eren’s already moving. Levi’s legs aren’t quite working. But Eren doesn’t go outside. Levi’s barely managed to get up and follow him when Eren’s walking back out of the kitchen and putting a glass of water in his hand. Levi stares at it for a second, and then tries to take a breath.

“Okay, so, um, why don’t you stay here and drink that, and I can go outside, and –”

“I – I’m fine –”

“Then you’d best bundle the fuck up. Your car’s probably buried. I’ll find you some stuff, ka?”

Eren still doesn’t sound convinced, but he’s not arguing, either.

Levi barely has time to be grateful before he’s putting down the water and following Eren into the front hall. Ends up in a coat that’s too big, and with gloves and a hat; and then Eren’s pushing the door open and Levi follows him out. The wind pretty much instantly cuts right through him.

He’s pretty sure it’s even colder than it was earlier.

The walk down the driveway is miserable. He’s not sure when Eren grabbed a flashlight, but it helps. Levi still nearly falls in the ditch when he starts trying to get into his car. Ends up half-tumbling in, bringing in snow with him, as Eren holds the door open. Everything’s dark but for the wavering flashlight beam, and Levi’s shivering so hard he can barely make his hands work right. Can barely breathe for how cold it is. Grits his teeth and grabs his bag out of the backseat. Manages to get it into the front, and then grabs his cellphone off the floor, where it had landed.

Everything else can wait. He can’t feel his nose.

And Eren’s hands on his arms are most of why he manages to climb back out of the car.

By the time he gets inside, his jeans are possibly frozen to his knees.

“Holy shit, it-t got c-colder.”

Levi’s already got his boots and coat off by the time the door closes behind them, but Eren’s shivering almost too hard to speak, which – Levi stops in his beeline back to the living room.

His backpack is like ice underneath his hands.

“Are y-you okay?”

He sounds pretty wretched, too. Eren stares at him for a second – Levi doesn’t have a clue what he’s thinking – and then he brushes some snow off his arms, looking down at the floor.

“Yeah, f-fine – go check your l-laptop, ka? I’ll m-make more hot c-chocolate.”

He’s gone before Levi can stop him, somehow; and Levi wavers for another moment before he heads back to the living room. Ends up sitting on the floor by the fireplace, nearly sick with relief when his laptop turns on fine. Has barely closed his eyes on a sigh when he remembers Eren helping him to climb back out of the car. Thinks of him carrying the flashlight. Offering to go outside by himself. Shit, had Levi been heading towards a panic attack? He – yeah, he totally had been. And Eren had known to offer him a glass of water. Had been able to recognize what was happening.

“Alright. Much better.”

Eren’s wrapped in a blanket, where he’s standing in the doorway. And Lily – who had looked up from her spot on the rug when Levi had entered, but had made no attempt to move – makes this happy little woofing sound as she pulls herself to her feet and walks right over to Eren, who gives her a sweet little smile as he kneels down to gently wrap the blanket around her; and Levi only realizes how badly he’s staring when his shirt sleeve gets too hot, and he has to shift away from the fire. Thinks of Eren knowing enough to give him that glass of water, which – christ, Levi’s only known this kid for maybe four hours. There’s no reason for him to feel this protective.

The wind’s still howling outside, though, and Levi still can’t feel his toes.

Eren may well have saved his life, by opening his door.

Maybe Levi’s allowed to feel a bit protective in return.

“So, um – maybe wanna share some cosplay tips, then?”

Eren sounds a bit hesitant, maybe; and Levi glances down at his laptop – he _should_ go through it all, to make sure it’s – to make sure that all his individual documents are actually okay – but no. That’s stupid. That’s being OCD as fuck. And he has a beautiful boy who wants to hear about Levi being a dork. His laptop is fine. Levi has something else to worry about, here.

Namely that, now that his limbs are thawing and his heart’s not slamming so fast, Levi’s pretty sure he could sit here and watch Eren send him hesitant little smiles until the sun comes up.

“If not, that’s totally fine, too, of course –”

Levi’s already shaking his head.

“Pen and paper, kid. If you happen to have those, I’ll write you out every tip I can think of.”

Is he being too obvious? He might be being too obvious.

But Eren’s already beaming and getting to his feet, giving Lily one last pat as he leaves the room; and Levi waits until he’s gone, and then puts his face into his hands again. Stays like that, for a second, and then shifts around, because his toes are still cold, and sitting on them might help, but – yeah. He’s being _way_ too obvious. Needs to tone it the fuck down until tomorrow. He’s only here for one night – just until morning – and then he’s never going to see Eren again.

It’s a thought that probably shouldn’t sting quite as much as it does.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (CW for musings on past crappy relationships.)

It’s only much later – when Levi’s lying in bed – that he remembers that he forgot to call Erwin.

For a moment, he just lies there in the dark and stares at the ceiling.

The guest room is lovely, of course. Giant bed, mountain of soft blankets, wooden walls, a massive window that’s well insulated. And Eren – unsurprisingly – had even taken the time to run Levi’s sheets and blankets through the dryer, so Levi would be as warm as possible, and –

It’s a really fucking good thing that Levi’ll be out of here first thing in the morning.

Because he and Eren had spent the entire evening talking.

Had somehow, in the space of maybe about seven hours, gone from strangers to… not-strangers.

Eren had made them dinner – vegan burgers for himself, and some chicken for Levi, after taking the time to ask Levi about any food restrictions – and had then grilled Levi on cosplay stuff. Had grinned at him and laughed at his stupid jokes. Had asked Levi about his life, and made him hot chocolate, and had sat there with a blanket wrapped around himself and the firelight reflecting on him and had just been so _sweet_ that – yeah. It’s a really good thing that Levi is leaving soon.

It’s been years since anyone – other than Erwin and Mike – has shown him kindness like this. Has seemed to genuinely _like_ being around him. Levi needs to leave, before he falls for this kid.

He hasn’t so much as had a crush in years. The last thing he needs is to get one on a twenty-one-year-old who doesn’t even live in the same province as Levi. It’s a recipe for disaster; and Levi’s stomach hurts a bit as he gropes for his phone. It’s just about shy of midnight, which means that Erwin is almost a year older. He’s also, hopefully, passed the fuck out; but Levi knows that a text won’t take him up. Erwin’s capable of sleeping through pretty much anything, the lucky bastard.

_Heeey, blondie. Having car trouble. Shall keep you updated - roads are pretty shitty right now, and I'm spending the night at some random farm in Alberta - but I do know that I won’t be able to make it home by tomorrow, for which I am genuinely actually sorry. But take yourself out for a birthday treat on me, ka? Movie, dinner, lunch – whatever the fuck you want. Happy birthday, and sorry I’m not there._

It’s not much, but it will have to do. It’s not like Levi has any other choice.

Tomorrow, though. He’ll call the tow truck company again, and he’ll get out of here.

He’ll leave Eren in peace – for all that they’d bonded all evening, Eren’s probably still locked his bedroom door from the inside – and get out of here, before he gets too obvious and weirds Eren out, and – he _needs_ to get out of here, even. Needs to get the hell home to Vancouver, where there’s no snow, and no wonderful roaring fireplaces, and no adorable old dogs, and – most importantly, no perfect little sarcastic sweetheart who seems dead set on unintentionally stealing Levi’s heart.

\- - -

Levi only realizes that he’s dreaming when he finally wakes up.

Lies there, staring at the ceiling, panting.

It’s the middle of the night and the dead of winter, and he’s covered in sweat.

Levi hates himself as he sits up and puts his face in his hands.

He can still feel phantom lips on his skin, and he knows exactly why.

The floor is freezing, when he slides out of the bed. Finds his housecoat – one that Eren had given him, fresh and warm out of the dryer – and slides it over his pants and sweater, which – the fact that he’s wearing Eren’s clothes probably isn’t helping much. His heart’s slamming and his knees are shaky and his dick’s being really fucking annoying and he’s actually fucking _sweating._

Levi can’t remember the last time he was this attracted to someone.

He’s maybe _never_ been this attracted to someone.

Gritting his teeth, Levi takes his face out of his hands.

Maybe a glass of cold water will help a bit, at least. Hell, at this point, maybe he should just go outside and smother himself in a snowbank. It’s the dead of night and he’s so fucking _wired_ – puts a hand on his stomach, and then slides his fingers through the front of his housecoat. Rests a hand against the wall, and gets as far as tracing his fingers along the top of his waistband before he groans and pulls his hand back, just barely fighting the urge to cup himself through his pants.

He’s already wearing Eren’s clothes and sleeping in his house.

He’s _not_ fucking jerking off over him, too.

Takes a deep breath – shit, this is _horrible_ – and steps towards the bedroom door.

He needs that glass of water, at least. Maybe he can splash some water on his face, too –

Eren’s on the other side of the door, when Levi opens it.

Standing there, mouth open, with his hand raised, like he was about to knock.

Levi’s not sure what his own face is doing, but his heart is suddenly hammering.

“Oh. Um. Hi.”

Eren doesn’t sound right. Sounds really fucking breathless, actually.

Levi swallows.

Eren’s taken a shower. It’s the middle of the night, and he’s taken a shower. His hair is still damp. And he’s in a housecoat, but he’s not wearing a shirt underneath it. It’s open, at the front, in a deep v across his chest, and – Levi snaps his eyes back up to his face. The hallway’s dark, save for one rather dim light further down the hall; but Levi can see how flushed Eren looks. Can feel how badly the air seems to be crackling between them.

But is that just him, though?

“Look, um –”

And what is Eren _doing_ here, anyway?

“I, uh. I’m gonna ask something. And I’m really, really sorry if I offend you in any way.”

Eren isn’t looking at him, anymore. Levi feels like he’s about to pass out.

“I – I-I’m pretty sure you, um. That you’re – gay. Or. Bi, or – um. Yeah. Cause, uh, I – based on some of the things you said, uh, and – and I did a bunch more research, too, to make sure you’re – who you say you are. And lots of your books – lots of the characters, um –”

“Eren.”

Levi barely even recognizes his voice.

And Eren flinches, just barely, and seems to concentrate even harder on the floor.

“I just – I – okay, so, last year I finally – um. Made peace with not being straight. It was – what Hanji helped me out with, actually, and, um – but – but I haven’t had a chance to – most of the guys my age, they’re just so – they’re gross, or immature, or – I just haven’t had anyone who –”

_“Eren –”_

“And I’m sorry if I-I make this awkward, but I-I’ll never seen you again after tomorrow, and – and – I’m asking you to take me to bed. Tonight. While you’re – still here. If you, um. Want to.”

His eyes are still on the floor, and his hands are balled at his sides.

He looks terrified.

And, for a long, long moment, all Levi can do is try to breathe.

Then, he steps forward. Doesn’t miss Eren’s sharp inhale. Feels his heart fucking _leap_ as he puts one hand on Eren’s hip, and rests the other against his cheek. Feels the way Eren goes statue still.

“How much courage did it take for you to walk over here?”

His voice sounds absolutely _fucked._ And Eren seems to be looking anywhere but at him.

“I-I – I, um, I’ve – been standing in front of y-your door for a-about an hour, actually.”

Eren’s voice breaks, a bit; and Levi’s just about ready to crawl out of his skin, suddenly.

He’s not sure if he’s ever been this turned on in his life.

And the kiss that he presses against Eren’s cheek is so chaste that it aches right down to his fucking bones. Lingers there, just for a second – Eren’s cheek is scorching hot, underneath his lips – and then he steps back again, though it takes everything he has to let go of Eren’s hands.

He’s not even sure when he took them, actually.

And Eren looks absolutely gobsmacked. Puts a hand on his cheek, and can barely seem to speak.

“Levi…”

“Pretty sure I might not be the right guy for this, Eren.”

It takes everything he has to get it out.

Everything he has to not just reach out and take what Eren is so obviously offering.

But he just -

Eren's barely out of high school. Levi just... he can't do this.

And, for a moment, Eren just stares at him. Then, he drops his hand, and wraps his housecoat tighter around himself. Wraps his arms around himself, too, and goes back to staring at the floor.

“If, um – if you don’t want me, you can just tell –”

“That’s _not_ –”

“Then why – look, okay, this _is_ what I want. It is. If you, um, want it, too, of course. You – you make me laugh, and you’re h-hot as sin, and I think you’d, um, probably treat me well, so –”

And – forget being more turned-on than he’s ever been before.

He’s also pretty sure he’s never felt this protective over someone in his own damn _life._

And Eren’s gone pretty much the colour of a fire hydrant.

Levi wants him so badly he can feel his toes curling.

“– so, unless you, um, don’t want this –”

“I’m thirteen years older than –”

“I don’t _care –”_

“And I also don’t want to be something you regret.”

He’s not sure how he’s even talking, with how tight his throat feels.

Because Eren’s looking almost sad, now, in addition to still looking a bit terrified; and Levi, desperately, wants to wrap him up close and keep him safe. 

"Levi..."

“I don’t want you to – to l-look back some day and wish that your first experience had been with someone you – cared about. And not – not some weird old stranger who you’d never see again.”

He barely gets it out. And the ensuing silence is one of the loudest things he’s ever heard.

And Eren just stares at him for a second, before he pulls his housecoat even tighter around him.

Levi wants to tug it off him and wrap his arms around him and just hold him tight all night.

"Sorry. I shouldn’t have –”

“You don’t have to be –”

“I’m gonna, um. Go. If you – if you need anything – if the heat craps out, or y-you need more blankets, or something, or – I’m – just down the hall. Very last room before the stairs, if you –”

“Eren –”

“Night. Sorry.”

_“Eren –”_

He’s gone, though, before Levi can say anything else. Gives him this tight little smile and turns and walks away, his arms still holding his housecoat tight around himself. And Levi watches until he turns the corner. Just stands there and fucking stares until the hall is empty, and there’s nothing but the sound of the wind howling outside; and Levi wraps his arms around himself, too, as a shiver wracks through him. Wraps his arms around himself and grits his teeth together and squeezes his eyes shut, and – he can’t do this, though. Can’t fucking do it. Can’t just stand here.

Not with how miserable Eren had looked.

And not with how much guts it must have taken to do what he did, only to have Levi shoot him down.

And the floor is fucking freezing on his bare feet as he tries his best to not full-out run down the hall. Ends up around the corner and at the last door, his heart slamming and his breathing funny. Has barely knocked before Eren’s opening it, his eyes wide as he steps further into the doorway.

“Um –”

“Can I kiss you goodnight?”

He sounds like he’s been fucking chewing on sandpaper. And Eren’s jaw drops.

“I –”

He stops. Swallows, so hard Levi can see it. And Levi just grits his teeth and waits. Makes himself wait. He’s not going to – he needs to wait.

“Levi –”

“I know, I know, mixed signals, I’m so sorry, I fucking _suck –”_

Eren kisses him.

Levi just about falls over.

Eren doesn’t have a clue what he’s doing. Levi can feel it in every inch of him. His lips, frozen against Levi’s. The way his hands are hovering, like he doesn’t have a clue where to put them.

And Levi just about loses his mind as he puts his hands on Eren’s hips, and nudges him back against the door, and carefully – slowly – slides their lips together, as gently as he possibly can –

Eren’s moaning. Grabbing at him.

The sound that Levi makes might be a whimper.

Keeps it as gentle and chaste as he possibly can, even with how hot his body is spiking.

Just barely gives Eren a tiny little flick of his tongue, light against his lips, before he pulls away. Finds Eren panting, looking absolutely overwhelmed and shaken right through, which – Levi has to kiss him again. Gently, carefully, as soft and sweet as he knows how; and then he pulls back far enough to watch Eren swallow. His eyes are a bit glassy, and Levi puts a hand on his cheek.

“You’re fucking gorgeous.”

“Levi…”

“And believe me when I say that I’d like nothing more than to continue this.”

“I –”

“I can’t, though. I - you're too - I'm a lot older than you, Eren, and I just -" 

"But -"

"But I wanted to at least - if we're n-not going to do this, I wanted to, um - to -" 

He can't get it out. Can't, with Eren staring at him like that.

Swallows, hard, and gently drags a thumb across Eren's lip, instead. 

Christ, he never wants to stop kissing him.

“If you think I’ll ever regret kissing you, you’re dead wrong.”

It’s barely audible, but Levi hears it.

For a second longer, they just stare at each other.

Then, somehow, Levi straightens up, and takes a step back. Watches Eren watch him, before he steps back into the doorway. Hovers, for a moment – he still looks absolutely rattled – and then he sighs.

“Good night, Levi.”

“Night.”

His voice is a croak.

And then he’s standing there by himself, as Eren closes the door.

For a long few seconds, he keeps standing there, the chill of the hallway finally starting to creep into his skin. Then, he turns and walks back to his room. Closes the door behind him, and crawls back in underneath the blankets. Very deliberately keeps his hands away from his pants as he wraps himself around one of the pillows and holds on tight to it, his heart hammering and his stomach fucking _aching_ and his entire body so damn hot he can barely even deal with it, and – he had been right, earlier, in the shower, when he’d reminded himself that life isn’t like a porno.

In real life, you don’t crash on some cute little virgin farmboy’s doorstep and then proceed to fuck him senseless, before driving off into the sunset like some kind of conquering hero.

In real life, you meet a bright, beautiful, funny twenty-one-year old, who gives you butterflies, and who wants you, too, and who is _way_ too young for you – and then, the next day, you drive away and never see him again.

Levi squeezes his eyes shut. Holds on tighter to the pillow.

This is going to be a memory. He needs to tuck it away, and keep it safe, for all the bad days.

And Eren will never know that in one evening he’s managed to give Levi something he’s never had before. That he’s shown Levi more genuine kindness than any of Levi’s previous partners ever had.

Eren will never know, but Levi does. And maybe that will almost be enough.


	4. Chapter 4

When Levi wakes up the next morning, there’s no sign of his host, but there are four dogs in the living room.

Levi just stands there and blinks, for a second, before he rubs at the sleep in his eyes. Drops his hands, and looks again, carefully, and – yeah, that’s still four dogs. Lily – curled up on her matt in the corner, and looking perfectly sleepy and content – and three others. Two smaller ones, and one big one, and all three of them kind of ridiculously fluffy and doing their best to get close to him. Barking and yapping and swarming around his legs as he takes a breath and kneels down to pet them, his knees aching on the cold floor and his heart feeling like it’s too big for his chest.

He really wants to just hide away here with Eren and his dogs, for as long as Eren will let him.

It’s a thought that he can’t dwell on, though, so he eventually gets back up and wanders towards the front door. Fiddles with the locks, for a moment, and then opens it and steps outside.

The sheer cold steals the air right out of his lungs.

And there’s white. Everywhere.

He knows there’s a road out there, but he can’t see it. Can barely even see his car.

“Son of a bitch.”

It’s a harsh whisper, but it sounds almost amazed, even to his own ears.

The ploughs haven’t even been through yet. There’s no way he’s getting his car out of the ditch.

Mother Nature, it seems, has damn well done her best to remind them that she’s still the queen, no matter how much humans may try to fuck with her. And now Levi is still definitely stuck here.

It’s a thought that shouldn’t feel good, in any way – though there’s a steady dose of panic, too.

“Fuck.”

It’s barely a hiss. Remembers, suddenly, the feel of Eren’s lips against his own, and puts a hand over his mouth. Feels how cold his fingers are, and steps back inside and closes the door behind him. Locks it again, and then leans back against it, putting his hands over his face and groaning, and – he’s freaking out. He’s thirty-four, and he knows better than this; and, yet, here he is, freaking out.  And even the feel of a dog bumping up against his knees can only help so much, as his stomach keeps flipping around rather horribly.

What the hell has he gotten himself into it?

\- - -

Things aren’t much better an hour later.

In fact, they’re worse.

Because by the time Levi’s taken a shower – which had involved getting clean, and finding a new pair of underwear, and then sliding back into Eren’s clothes, which,  _shit,_ that’s definitely not helping – there’s still no sign of Eren; but Levi wanders into the kitchen, this time, and finds a plate of pancakes waiting for him, along with a note. His hand isn’t quite steady as he picks it up.

_Sorry these are kinda shitty. I know you said you’re gluten-free, and Hanji is, too, so there’s a bunch of different flours kicking around here, and – well. Googled this recipe and gave it a go. If you want syrup and butter, they’re both made on this farm. Hope they might make these taste better. :)_

_\- Eren_

_Ps. Outside doing chores. Should be back in a few hours._

The note’s marked seven a.m. It’s just about eleven, now.

Levi slowly lets out the breath he was holding.

He’s falling for a farmboy.

A cute, endearing, incredibly sweet, hard-working young farmboy.

Who makes him pancakes, even when he doesn’t know how to.

It’s not even funny, any more, how fucked Levi is.

And he’s probably here for at least another day.

Taking a deep breath, Levi sinks down until he’s sitting on one of the chairs, his face in his hands, again, and the dogs instantly swarming him, licking and barking and trying to cuddle.

Yeah. It’s really not at all funny anymore.

\- - -

Eren seems to bring in half the outdoors with him, when he comes back.

Comes stomping in through the back door – which leads right in the kitchen – with snow landing everywhere; and he’s bundled up so tight Levi can’t see much beyond his eyes and mouth and his pink cheeks. For a second, it’s horribly awkward, as they stare at each other; and then Eren gives him this tight little smile and sets the basket on the counter. Yanks off his coat and gloves and leans down to take off his boots, and then washes his hands for a good while, before he turns back around and gets down on the kitchen floor to hug the dogs, still not quite looking at Levi.

Levi swallows, hard, and sits back down.

Great. He’s definitely made this awkward. Of course he has.

“So, um – don’t think the plows have –”

“Yeah, we’re – pretty isolated, here.”

“And – if I can’t get out of here before dark –”

“Don’t worry, Levi. I promise not to make you sleep in the barn.”

It doesn’t sound all that funny, though, and Eren’s smile is a bit off.

Levi stares, for a second, and then opens his mouth.

“Look, I –”

“I’m sorry for last night.”

“You don’t –”

“For making things awkward. We were having a perfectly nice time, and then I went and –”

“You didn’t –”

“I did. And, um – it looks like you’re still stuck here, so. Can we just – forget I said anything?”

He’s standing up, again, though he’s not looking at Levi. Looks like he wants the kitchen floor to open up and swallow him. Levi’s pretty sure he’s literally never seen anyone manage to look this embarrassed before.

Maybe this was a lot easier for Eren when he thought that Levi would be gone the next day.

“Course we can.”

His voice is maybe a bit too soft. But the look of gratitude on Eren’s face makes it worth it. And Levi only lets the silence hang for one more awful second before he nods at the basket.

If they’re going to be stuck here together, then they’re damn well gonna have to make this work.

“So, uh, what treasures did you bring home, then?”

He still sounds a bit shaky, and Eren still looks uneasy for a moment; and then he takes a breath – visibly steadying himself – and straightens up and looks at Levi. Like he’s steeling himself for this encounter. Levi’s pretty sure he’s never made anyone this nervous, before, but at least Eren is smiling, again, some of the tension seeming to drain out of him as he stares into the basket.

“Chicken eggs.”

“Ah. Right.”

He’s not quite sure what his face is doing – but based on the way Eren suddenly looks really amused, Levi’s expression is probably something that says he’s never been on a farm in his life. And when Eren grins – he  _does_ look a little more relaxed, now – and starts puttering around, putting a towel down on the counter and laying the eggs on it, Levi just kind of helplessly stares.

“I wash ’em in the barn and then bring ’em in here to dry off. Hey, did you wanna meet the chickens?”

“I –”

“Like, seriously, man, chickens are the best. I love chickens.”

He says it in complete seriousness, still grinning as he lays out all the eggs, and –

Levi really needs to not be here anymore.

Because it really  _isn’t_ funny, at this point.

He’s pretty sure he’s already fallen harder in one day than he has for anyone in his whole life.

And he has to give himself a moment. Waits until he’s pretty sure his voice isn’t going to betray him. Ends up swallowing, hard, as Eren lies out the last egg and looks pleased with himself.

Levi’s in so much trouble, and there’s no way for him to escape.

“Of – of course you –”

“Dude, shut up, chickens are hilarious. Seriously. You should see some of the shit they pull.”

“Ah, yes, q-quality country entertainment – mocking the farm animals.”

God, he sounds  _so_ rattled.

Thank god he’s had a lifetime of practice at hiding whatever he’s feeling.

“You’d best be careful, or I’m gonna stick you back outside.”

“I think your d-dogs might miss me. Though, actually, um, on that note – where the hell did –”

Eren’s beaming, again. Levi kind of wants to just sit here forever and stare at him.

“Pepper, Rascal and Sally sometimes sleep in the barn. They’re all rescues, and they all just recently came from another farm, so they’re still more used to that. Hanji’s gradually getting them used to being inside, but they can apparently get pretty restless, if they’re inside all night.”

“This Hanji of yours sounds pretty awesome.”

“Dude, Hanji’s great. Think you’d like ’em, actually. Great big Tolkien nerd, just like you.”

“Such flattery.”

“That was a compliment, and you damn well know it.”

Eren’s not looking at him, anymore – too busy with making sure all the eggs are balanced, and aren’t going to roll off the counter – but Levi can still hear the affection there. Affection, maybe, or – at the very least – that kindness that seems inherent to Eren’s very being. And Levi, suddenly, remembers something that he hasn’t done yet. Something that he really needs to do.

“Thank you.”

“Hmm?”

“For – for the pancakes, and the clothes, and for – the fact that I didn’t die on the side of the road, last night –”

“That’s not funny, you know.”

“I wasn’t trying to be. I’m serious.”

And he  _is_ serious. Feels it hit him, suddenly.

He could have actually died.

And it… somehow hadn’t quite sunk it, until now.

Now, the next morning, in this brightly lit kitchen, with the snow safely trapped outside, and with Eren staring at him, and – maybe this is some kind of delayed reaction thing, or something. Maybe his mind hadn’t quite being willing to process it, until the danger was completely gone.

Whatever the reason, he really needs a drink.

“I’m just… glad I was here.”

“Me, t-too, kid.”

His knees are suddenly really interesting.

And he doesn’t realize just how badly the silence is dragging until Eren’s suddenly offering him his hands. Standing a bit closer, and holding them out to him. Levi knows he shouldn’t take them. Looking up at Eren’s expression, it’s obvious that he knows what a horrible idea it is, too.

But Levi feels chilled right through. And Eren’s hands in his really help.

Ends up being tugged up on his feet. Eren holds his hands for a second, and then drops them.

The ensuing silence is one of the loudest that Levi’s ever experienced.

Then, Eren sighs, and rubs a hand over his face. Steps back towards the counter, and takes one last look at the eggs before he looks at Levi again. Levi wants to reach out and pull him close.

“Okay, um, so – I gotta do homework. You want my hard drive full of anime, or something?”

Homework. Christ.

Levi has a crush on a student.

“Or, uh – Hanji’s got a fuck ton of books. Think I saw an old copy of the Silmarillon, even.”

Eren’s smile is back to being hesitant, and Levi just kind of manages a nod.

Maybe it really  _would_ be best if the plows would just came through here already, since it’s pretty glaringly obvious that he and Eren aren’t going to manage to make this less awkward.

Levi probably really needs to do them both a favour and just go home.

\- - -

They barely manage to settle into a not-quite-comfortable silence – Eren sitting on the floor with his notes and the dogs, and Levi sitting on the couch with his book, and both of them quite obviously trying to not sneak glances at each other – when suddenly the house goes very silent.

It takes Levi a second. When he looks up, Eren’s already glancing around, eyes wide.

“Ah, shit.”

His voice is low and miserable, and Levi puts down his book.

“Did the –”

“Yeah. Fuck. What the hell, it’s not even  _snowing –”_

“Maybe a tree on a power line?”

“Could be. Shit – if the power doesn’t come back –”

Eren’s already scrambling to his feet. Levi does the same, a low, unpleasant sense of foreboding sweeping over him. And maybe it  _is_ a good thing he’s here, because Eren’s looking pretty lost.

“You’re gonna wanna turn the taps on, just a drip, to make sure they don’t freeze. We should probably fill up the bathtub, too.”

He’s literally written this exact scenario before. Never knew he’d be so grateful for it, though.

“That, and close off every room you can, so we can heat just this one. Should make sure we have a ton of wood, too, before it gets dark. And if we can avoid opening the freezer or fridge, that’s best – should find us some more clothes, too – and you got any battery-powered radios, maybe?”

Eren’s blinking at him. Still lying at his feet, Lily’s lifted her head from her paws, staring up at Eren like she knows damn well that her human is in distress, and – shit, they can’t let her get cold, they  _really_ can’t – Eren still looks a bit frozen, though, and Levi just kind of says a mental  _fuck it_ as he puts a hand on his shoulder. They suddenly have much bigger things to worry about.

“Come on, Eren. Let’s –”

“Oh god. The barn.”

Levi opens his mouth, and closes it again.

Can barns even be heated?

“Shit,  _shit,_ can – can you deal with the house? I’ve gotta –”

“I got it. You go –”

Eren’s already nodding, and then booting it out of the room.

It’s only after he’s already gone that Levi realizes that Eren had squeezed his hand before he left.


	5. Chapter 5

It takes Levi maybe half an hour to get everything the way it needs to be.

He takes Eren at his word, and does his best to take care of the entire house. Manages to find the breakers, just to double-check that it’s an outage, and not just a problem with their house; and then he goes from room to room until he’s sure that he’s found every faucet. Fills up the bathtub, too, and shuts as many doors as he can. Strips all his blankets off his bed – doesn’t feel quite comfortable taking Eren’s, or rooting through Hanji’s closet for extras – and then hauls them into the living room. Dumps most of them on the couch and then drapes one over Lily, who whines and licks his hand; and Levi’s just finished petting her – there’s no sign of the other dogs, so Levi’s assuming that they followed Eren outside – when Eren comes back inside, with his cellphone to his ear and his cheeks and nose bright pink, and – shit, did he even put anything on before going out? There’s snow in his hair and all over his shirt, and Levi can see how badly he’s shivering.

“And you’re sure t-that generator will be enough to – okay, g-good, thank god. I-I was so fucking scared.”

His laugh’s a little strained; and, even as Levi watches, he shivers so hard a bit of snow falls out of his hair.

Levi wants to wrap him up and protect him from everything.

“Heh, y-yeah, that’s true – at least I have back-up. He r-really is such a nerd, too. Did ya wanna say hi?”

Levi feels himself go very still, but Eren’s already grinning at him – god, what a wonderful little _shit_ – and handing him the phone. Levi eyes it for a second, and then hesitantly takes it.

“Am I about to get my ass kicked?”

“Um, not likely?”

“How reassuring.”

Eren just grins a bit wider – shit, he’s _still_ shivering – and then turns to go, before he pauses.

“And, uh – Hanji’s genderqueer, by the way. Sometimes ‘he’ works for a pronoun, and sometimes ‘she’, but ‘they’ is pretty much, um – always good. Just so y-you know.”

He’s suddenly looking really hesitant, again; and Levi feels his stomach flip. Shit. Nice to strangers, loves animals, and super protective of his friends. No wonder Levi’s so fucked.

“I’ll keep that in mind, then. Anything I can charm ’em with other than Tolkien knowledge?”

He tries to keep his expression unimpressed, but it doesn’t quite work. Not when Eren stares at him for a second and then gives him the sweetest little smile, like Levi just did something amazing, which – Levi can feel the heat spread across his face.

He’s far too old for his heart to be hurting like this

“Tolkien should work. I’ll be back soon, ka?”

Eren’s blushing, too, now, blushing _so_ badly; and they just kind of stare at each other for a second before Eren bites his lip, and can’t quite seem to look at him, anymore, and then promptly leaves the room; and the noise that Levi makes is rather pathetic, actually. Shaky and weak and _really_ fucking pathetic; and he has to take a moment to breathe before he brings the phone up to his ear, because –

Christ, he’s _never_ wanted someone like this.

And his teeth are still pretty much grinding together by the time he tries to talk.

“Um. Hello?”

For a second, there’s silence. Then, the voice that answers is about as dry as Levi’s at his most sarcastic.

“So, you’re the stranger that just showed up on the doorstep, huh.”

“Uh. Yeah.”

“Hmm. Well, Eren says the dogs all like you, so that’s a good sign.”

Oh, god. Levi’s suddenly blushing again. How is Eren so cute?

“I’ve got your picture, though, and my sweetheart’s a cop, so –”

“I promise I have no intention of hurting Eren.”

“Glad to hear. For your sake, too. He’s a tough little bugger.”

There’s an audible note of affection, suddenly; and Levi feels himself smile, thought he doesn’t trust himself to speak – if he tries to agree, he’s going to sound _way_ too fond – but Hanji’s already talking, again, so it’s probably okay.

“Anywho, Eren seems to like you, and he’s a good judge of character, so I trust him. He says you’re a big Tolkien nerd, too?”

For a second, it doesn’t process – _Eren seems to like you_ – and then Levi takes a slow breath, and carefully lets it out again.

Focus. He needs to focus.

“Um, yeah. Kind of one of my literature gods.”

“Dude, I hear ya. Favourite character?”

“Oh, god. Only one?”

“Alright, fair. Let’s say five.”

And – alright, he might not know Hanji, but he’s pretty sure he can hear them smiling; and it’s like Levi can feel the tension seep out of him. Sits down on the arm of the couch, starting to smile, too.

Shit, nerds are the _best._

“Uh, Aragorn, definitely.”

“Mmhmm, understandable.”

“Always been pretty fond of Glorfindel, too. And Ecthelion. 'Lords of the Fountain, and all that.”

“Naturally.”

Hanji still sounds pretty amused. Levi just grins a bit wider, and looks up to find Eren standing there, a new pile of blankets on the couch beside him, and – Levi can clearly see him mouth the words, ‘lords of the fountain?’, even as a big shit-eating grin spreads across his face; and Levi feels himself flush all the way down his neck. Has to actually take a second to breathe through it.

“You – your charming ex-student is laughing at me.”

“Yeah, well. Ask him how his Gyarados is doing. That should shut him up.”

Oh, god.

What a _nerd._

Levi is so _smitten._

“I, um, I’ll keep that in mind. Thank you.”

“Yeah, no worries. Should do the trick. And last two characters, then?”

Eren’s still grinning at him. Levi takes a deep breath.

Shit, it’s hard to think with Eren looking at him like.

"Um – probably Beren and Lúthien, because – well. For all the many reasons. But we’re gonna need to have six characters in total, though, ’cause Huan’s definitely gotta be on the list, too.”

It’s cheating a bit, probably; and Hanji’s chuckle sounds pretty amused.

“I think I like you, Levi. You guys give me a call if you need anything, alright? I gotta go mark stuff, but I’ll have my phone on all night.”

“I’ll let him know.”

“Awesome. Talk to you later, then.”

Levi nods, and then remembers that Hanji can’t see him.

“Um. Right. Bye.”

There’s what sounds like a bit of a laugh, and then silence. Levi stares at the phone for a second, and then turns it back to Eren, who – he’s not smirking, anymore. Instead, he looks downright fond; and Levi doesn’t trust himself to hand the phone back, suddenly. Sets it down on the table, instead. His face feels warm.

“Got a thing for those lords of the fountain, huh?”

It sounds way, way too fond; and Levi feels his heart do something stupid inside his chest.

How the hell is he meant to keep fighting this?

“Um, yeah.”

“Well, then, why don’t we get all settled in here, and then you can tell me about them? If, uh. You want to, of course.”

He sounds unsure, suddenly, like he’s remembering some of their earlier awkwardness, maybe; and Levi takes another deep breath. Carefully lets it out. His chest _really_ fucking hurts, actually.

“That – that’d be nice, yeah.”

“Awesome.”

Eren is smiling at him, again. Levi grits his teeth. Can’t do anything until Eren blushes and turns to start fumbling with the pile of blankets, his hands visibly shaky; and Levi swallows and turns away.

He’s known this boy for about a day.

Why does he feel like he’s soon about to lose something that he never even had?


	6. Chapter 6

Within about the space of about fifteen minutes, it becomes very clear that Eren has every intention of trying to not let things get awkward as fuck.

Eren lugs a mountain of clothes into the room, and both of them end up in several layers, complete with jackets on top. Levi can’t even be pissed by how big Eren’s clothes are on him. He’s too busy putting on several pairs of gloves and curling up underneath a mountain of blankets on one of the couches; and when he finally looks up, Eren’s added a few layers, too – he looks adorable, good god – but it’s like he can’t sit still. First he’s cuddling with Lily, and then he’s wandering the room, and then he’s poking at the fire, and then he seems to find something utterly fascinating on one of the walls, and –

He doesn’t stop talking, either.

Asks random Tolkien stuff, and asks cosplay questions, and then asks Levi about his life.

If it was anyone else, probably, Levi would be overwhelmed by the chatter. As if, he’s pretty sure that – under other circumstances – he would actually find it pretty soothing.

Right now, though, it’s only serving to make things more awkward.

Eren’s pacing, and not quite looking at him, save for the occasional shaky little smile; and Levi wants to tear out his hair. This had been so _easy,_ yesterday – so natural, with the hours they’d spent talking – and now Levi’s gone and fucked it up, just in time for them to get trapped together. They’re stuck here, and Eren looks about ready to crawl out of his skin; and it’s _Levi_ who’s embarrassed him this badly.

Levi, who took Eren’s courage and basically trampled on it, even if his intentions were good.

Maybe that saying about the road to hell exists for a reason.

“And, I mean, I’ve never actually _been_ to Vancouver – not yet, at least – but I’ve heard good things from a few people –”

“Eren.”

"– that like that the seawall is nifty, and shit, and – um, yeah? What’s –”

“I’m sorry.”

He barely gets it out before Eren goes still, for possibly the first time since he entered the room.

Freezes, where he’s fiddling with something on a bookshelf; and then he turns to look at Levi. Levi doesn’t have a clue what the expression his face means, and it’s enough to keep him talking.

He needs Eren to understand this.

“Last night – it wasn’t – look, as cliché as it is say, ‘it’s not you, it’s me,’ it’s _true,_ okay. I just can’t –”

“The age thing doesn’t bother me.”

“Well, it bothers _me –”_

“I’m legal, you know.”

“That’s _so_ not the –”

“Is it also because, I, uh – don’t know what I’m doing? That I’ve never really…”

He waves his hand, even as his cheeks start going pink; and Levi’s mouth is suddenly a bit dry.

God, he wants to see how far that blush goes.

“It’s – um. It’s both those things. More the age bit than – the rest of it, though.”

He sounds a bit strangled, and his teeth are gritting together, again. And the silence drags until Eren finally looks down. His shoulders are a bit hunched, and his eyes are fixed on the carpet.

“I thought about this all morning, you know.”

“You –”

“I don’t think age matters if, um. Both people are good to each other. And – it’s not like you’re taking advantage, you know. I’m the one who asked you. And I’m old enough to know what I want.”

His eyes are still on the carpet.

Levi’s heart has climbed somewhere up in his throat.

“As for you not wanting me to regret this – I, um. I really, really wouldn’t.”

“Eren...”

“What I _would_ regret, though, is – is us missing our chance, just because – just because you thought you were protecting m-me from something that I didn’t actually need protecting from.”

His voice is barely audible, by the end of it.

And, for a few long seconds, the only sound is the crackle of the fire.

The snap of the logs, and the sound of the wind howling outside, slamming against the windows.

Levi honestly doesn’t know what to say.

Then, Eren finally gets his eyes off the carpet to look at him; and Levi has no idea what his own expression is doing. Can barely breathe until Eren bites his lip, and then wipes a hand over his face.

“I’m just – I’m gonna go check on the animals.”

His voice is a bit uneven, and Levi still can’t seem to speak.

He’s literally fucked this up so badly Eren’s _running away from him._  

“When I get back, though, I, um – have a chess board, if you wanna play?”

And – okay. Not running away, then. Maybe just – putting some temporary distance between them.

Levi could probably use that, too. Can’t manage more than a nod, though, because – maybe Eren’s right.

Maybe Levi really _is_ protecting Eren from something that he doesn’t need protecting from.

“Alright, awesome. I’ll be back soon.”

Eren’s smile is shaky, but it’s there; and then he’s gone, and Lily whines like she wants to follow him, as she stares up at the doorway longingly for a few seconds before she puts her head back down on her paws; and Levi’s still just sitting there by the time he hears the back door shut.

Sitting there and staring at where Eren was just standing, his heart starting to pound.

He needs to – think. He really needs to think about this. Needs to –

He puts his hands over his face, his elbows resting against his knees.

The age thing is a problem – there’s no question about that – but maybe it’s less of a problem them he’s making it out to be. Maybe what matters more is that both of them want this. It’s still not quite that simple, but – maybe it’s still a bit less complicated than he was making it. Maybe there's nothing skeezy about him wanting Eren, as long as it's reciprocated, and as long as Eren knows that he can change his mind at any time. 

Maybe the fact that Eren wants him, too, is the part that really matters.

That, and the fact that Levi would treat him like gold. Could make sure that Eren felt safe. Could make his first experience with a guy something that – well. Maybe something that Eren wouldn’t regret, after all. Even though Levi is a stranger, and even though Levi is leaving; maybe Eren still wouldn’t regret it. Levi knows how to listen to his partners. He knows how to make it good.

Maybe, some day, Eren would actually look back and think about this and smile, and –

The thought’s barely crossed his mind, though, before he feels his stomach clench.

He doesn’t want Eren to just think back on this someday, far off in the future when Levi’s long-gone.

He wants to be an absolute fucking idiot and ask Eren how he feels about going steady, long-distance, two provinces apart, after knowing each other for about twenty-four goddamn hours.

He doesn’t want to walk away from the kindest, most interesting, nerdiest little shit he’s ever met. A nerdy little shit who loves animals, and who genuinely cares about what Levi has to say, and – yeah.

Levi _really_ doesn’t want to walk away from this.

He’s going to, though. Because asking for anything more would be insanity.

Tonight, though. Maybe Eren’s right. Maybe the simple fact that they want each other is enough.

And if tonight is all that they’re ever going to have, then maybe Levi needs to stop fighting this.

For a few minutes longer, he sits there and lets it sink in. Makes sure it feels right. That he’s not just rationalizing away his own reasons for a chance to get into Eren’s pants. And when Eren’s arguments still ring true, Levi slowly tugs himself up to his feet, his heart slamming in his chest, and – his knees aren’t steady, and he needs to take a deep breath before he’s able to wander back into the kitchen, where he slides into his boots and makes sure that all his layers are on properly.

Eren had invited him to come outside and meet the chickens, after all.

Maybe it’s about time that Levi takes him up on that.


	7. Chapter 7

Levi nearly chickens out twice on the way to the barn.

There’s only one trail leading through the snow, packed down with boot marks and paw prints, and the barn is stark against all the snow; and he ends up stopping, about halfway there. Walks a little further, and then turns and starts walking back to the house, before he groans and stops again.

What the hell is wrong with him?

One night. They only have one more night together.

If that’s all that they’re ever going to have, then Levi needs to stop _hesitating._

And his knees are literally actually shaky by the time he gets to the barn. Pushes the door open and steps inside – for a barn, it’s amazing how warm it is – and then crinkles his nose at the wave of scents that hits him. There’s nothing too foul, it’s just – intense. And there’s no sound but his boots on the concrete floor as he starts walking, trying to not step in anything too disgusting.

Where the hell is Eren, anyway?

Levi finds the cow pen, first. Ends up absolutely frozen as several of the creatures stop chewing their hay to stare at him, and – it’s not the grime factor. As long as he’s not in the stall, he’s fine. It’s more that – _holy shit_ those are large animals. Massive animals, barely contained in their pen.

Levi’s never been face-to-face with a cow, before.

This is probably a bad time to realize that he’s scared of them.

And he hurries it along before he can get too nervous. Finds the chicken coop, next. Finds a sheep pen, even, and a couple of horse stalls, and – it’s all interesting, and all new, and he’s pretty sure he used to do things like this, at one point – used to deliberately go new places, and explore things he didn’t understand – until he got older and tired, and then he just… stopped.

Go figure it would take some beautiful young farmboy to push Levi back out of his comfort zone.

And his heart’s racing in ways that have absolutely nothing to do with any kind of cow-induced fear by the time he finds Eren.

His heart is racing, and he feels a bit like he’s going to be sick, and he can’t fucking _breathe_ –

Eren’s sitting on an old wooden staircase, and he has his face in his hands.

For a long, horrible moment, Levi can’t move.

Then, he swallows through it, and moves forward.

He’s not going to fuck this up anymore. If Eren still wants him, then Eren can have him.

And Levi can’t remember the last time he was this nervous.

Eren doesn’t even hear him. Just sits like that until Levi crouches in front of him. Reaches out a hand, and then pulls it back. Eren looks wound tight enough to break; and Levi doesn’t want to startle him – knows he must have made a noise, though, because Eren lifts his head – and he goes from shocked to absolutely _mortified_ so quickly that Levi feels himself wince in sympathy.

Alright. Levi needs to fix this.

 _“Fuck_ – sorry, I-I didn’t know you were –”

“Eren –”

“I didn’t h-hear you –”

Levi puts his hands on Eren’s knees.

Eren’s gone wide-eyed, now. Looks like he’s barely breathing.

And Levi’s in just about the same state.

 _Shit,_ this is hard to say.

“I – I’m not suggesting we just up and jump each other, alright? I’m just saying – if you still want me, that is – then let’s just – see where this goes, okay? What, um – feels comfortable.”

The words barely make it out. Eren’s still just staring at him. Levi ends up staring at his knees.

“If y-you can forgive me for being such an idiot, I mean. I swear I didn’t mean to –”

The lips pressed against his forehead nearly take his knees out from under him.

It’s possibly the most tender thing he’s ever experienced.

And Eren’s bright red when Levi pulls back to look at him.

“Um – shit, sorry. Was that weird? It just – I wanted to do _something_ and I – I-I really don’t know what I’m doing and –”

Levi squeezes Eren’s hands. He’s not even sure when he took them. Watches as Eren watches him, still looking a bit mortified. The barn’s warm enough, but Levi can still see his breath.

And his lips are cool when Levi leans in, again.

Balances, as best he can, there on the damn barn floor, and kisses Eren as gently as he can.

Eren seems too shocked to kiss back, but that’s okay.

Levi can be patient.

And Eren’s mouth is hanging open and his eyes are a bit wide when Levi finally pulls back; and Levi squeezes his hands again, before he stands up, and pulls Eren up to his feet with him.

His heart’s slamming so badly it’s a wonder he can speak at all.

“C’mon, t-then. Let’s – it’ll be warmer inside –”

Eren kisses him, this time. Clearly doesn’t have a clue what he’s doing, but it doesn’t matter. Levi can teach him, if Eren wants him to. Can curl up with this boy and make out with him for hours, can – ends up clutching a bit too tight to Eren, probably, when Eren’s tongue just lightly brushes his lips, before he completely pulls back again, biting his lip like he’s not sure if that was okay – and Levi can feel the way his teeth are grinding, as he swallows and stares at Eren, and –

He doesn’t want one just night. He wants to date this boy and romance him and take him for walks on the Seawall and learn all about him and then finally - finally - take him to bed.

“Was that, um – okay?”

Eren’s looking hesitant, again. And Levi squeezes his hands a bit tighter.

He doesn’t have that, though. He only has one night.

And Levi’s not going to wreck it wishing for something he can’t have.

Manages a nod, somehow; and his face must be saying more than his voice can, because Eren suddenly breaks into the happiest little smile. Ducks his head and grins, his cheeks gone pink, and – Levi’s so fucked. Takes a moment to breathe through it before he tugs Eren’s hands again.

“Come on. Let’s get inside before we freeze.”

“And then we can make out more?”

And –

Levi knows that his mouth is hanging open. And Eren’s grinning like the sun, suddenly, which –

Holy _shit,_ Levi’s created a monster.

And he must look as shocked as he feels, because Eren’s grin turns almost a bit devious.

“What? You’re the one who suggested it. What we feel comfortable with, right? I’m just saying I’d be mighty _comfortable_ with –”

“Oh my _god,_ Eren.”

“I mean, we’ve got a perfectly good fireplace to lie in front of –”

“I-I should have _known_ you’d be a little shit about this.”

“Dude, my heart’s going a mile a minute and I’m, um, still really, uh, nervous –”

Oh, god, he’s so _cute._

“But, um. You’re blushing _really_ bad right now, just so you know, so that – um. That helps.”

Eren’s grinning at the ground, again. Still blushing like crazy and looking so fucking _happy_ that Levi can’t do anything but swallow and smile back, the action feeling a little strange on his face.

He’s not sure he can remember the last he felt this good.

Hell, if the butterflies in his stomach get any worse he’s not going to be able to breathe at all.

“Yeah, well, y-you – you can just shut up, okay, because _you_ look like a tomato, so –”

_“Levi –”_

“A tomato who went and got _sunburned,_ even –”

“That doesn’t even make any _sense_ –”

“You don’t make any sense.”

“Oh my god, this entire _conversation_ doesn’t make any –”

It takes Levi a second to realize that he’s laughing. And that Eren’s jaw is hanging open.

“Levi…”

Fuck, Levi feels _incredible._ And if he grins any harder he’s gonna hurt his face

“Yeah, y-yeah, you’re hilarious, alright, so sue me –”

“You’ve got a really nice laugh.”

Eren isn’t quite smiling anymore.

Looks more like he’s feeling pretty much just completely overwhelmed, again.

And Levi feels his mouth go dry as he tightens his grip on Eren’s hands.

He wants Eren to look at him like that for – well.

For much, much longer than one night.

And he’s just opened his mouth to try to say _something,_ at least, when Eren leans in to kiss his cheek, lingering there until he pulls back again, back to looking all shy and really embarrassed, and – Levi’s had a lot of sex, over the years, but, well – _affection_ has never really been part of it.

For a second, it’s almost too much.

Then, Eren squeezes his hands, and gives him that achingly sweet little smile, and - as long as Eren's smiling at him like that, it's okay if Levi's nervous.

It's okay if he doesn't quite know what he's doing here, either.

They can figure it out together.

“Come on, Levi. Let’s get back inside.”

His cheeks are still pink, and he’s biting his lip, again.

Levi just swallows, and nods, and lets Eren tug him towards the barn exit.

This is crazy. It’s all fucking crazy.

And he doesn’t care.

If all they have is one insane night together, then he’ll take it, and have to be happy with that.

They don’t make it inside, though.

Manage to make it through the snow, hands still linked together through their gloves, and the dogs barking and swarming around them as they head towards the house – and then Eren stops.

Goes very, very still, and then looks around.

“Where’s Sally?”

For a second, Levi doesn’t get it, but –

There are only two dogs.

And Levi feels his stomach pretty much plummet.

Surely, though. Surely she can’t have gone too far.

“Shit.”

Eren’s looking a little white, in a way that has nothing to do with the cold.

“Eren –”

“Fuck, I should have kept a closer eye on –”

_“Eren –”_

“But none of them are prone to bolting, I know they’re not, Hanji would have _told_ me –”

“Hey. Breathe.”

Levi’s not doing a good job of swallowing his own unease, though. And Eren just shakes his head, and looks up at the sky – it’s dark; dark enough that Levi knows there must be more snow coming – before he sucks in a breath and squeezes Levi hand once more before stepping away.

“Someone’s gotta stay and watch the house.”

It takes Levi a second. Then, he feels sick.

“You – you’re kidding me.”

“Make sure the other dogs don’t get cold, alright?”

_“Eren –”_

“There’s more wood downstairs.”

“But –

“I hauled a bunch in the day I got there, and it should be enough to last the night. And the barn should be fine, too – the generator will keep the heat lamps going until the power’s back on.”

Eren’s already stepping further away.

Levi can’t seem to move.

Watches as Eren pulls off his gloves, and then pulls his phone out of his coat pocket.

“What’s your number? I don’t have much battery left, but – at least you’ll have my number.”

For a second, Levi just stares at him. Then, he swallows, and – his words don’t feel right, as he gives Eren the number. Watches as he types it in, and then presses a button, and slides his phone back into his pocket. Puts his gloves back on, and pulls his hat down a bit tighter over his hair. 

“Sent you a text. I’ll be back. Hanji’s number is on the fridge, if you need it.”

“Eren…”

“I’m fine, Levi. She probably hasn’t gone far. And even if she has – well, I know this farm, even in the dark, so – I’ll be careful, okay? I promise.”

He doesn’t look all the sure, though, as he gives Levi one last smile before he pulls his scarf up over his face and then turns and starts walking – and Levi stands there, staring, the dogs whining at his feet, until Eren disappears.

Vanishes into the nearby trees, leaving nothing but the white wilderness for Levi to stare at.

And it’s only Rascal nudging at his knee that finally gets him moving.

Gets him inside, and out of his boots, and back into the living room, where Lily is still curled up under her blanket. Ends up standing and staring into the fire as the other dogs settle down, too.

There are maybe three hours until the sun goes down.

Three hours until everything is going to be much, much colder.

What the hell is Levi going to do if Eren doesn’t make it back before then?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (Just a little note to say that I absolutely promise that nothing bad will happen to any of the puppy dogs in this story. <3)


	8. Chapter 8

Eren’s not back by the time it gets dark.

Levi does everything he can to distract himself.

Thinks about calling Erwin, but doesn’t want to use his phone battery. Not when Eren’s out there somewhere, alone. Settles for sending Erwin a text, at least, giving him a basic update on the situation, so that Erwin won't worry that Levi's not back yet; and then Levi does his best to try to read, and then spends some time cuddling with the dogs, and then hauls some more firewood up into the living room. Gets splinters all through his hands, and then raids a bathroom cabinet for tweezers, and spends a good half hour sitting on the living room floor and picking slivers out of his palms. Gets that done, and then just barely stops himself from going look for cleaning supplies. This is not his house. He is not allowed to clean other people’s houses without asking first, he – but he _wants_ to, though. Anything to take the edge off.

By eight o’clock it’s pitch dark outside, and the snow’s finally started to fall, kicking up into a blizzard, with the wind howling against the windows; and Levi tries Eren’s number – he’d sent Levi a little smiley face, and Levi’s stomach hurts looking at it – and just about throws his phone across the room when he doesn’t get an answer. Ends up standing with his forehead pressed against the kitchen window, his breath fogging up the glass as he stares out into the cold darkness.

Eren has two more hours. If he’s not back by then, Levi’s calling the police.

And fuck the roads being closed. They can send a damn chopper. They can just –

Would a helicopter even be sent out in this storm?

The slow trickle of ice that slides down Levi’s spine has nothing to do with the cold around him; and he can’t do anything but rest his face against the glass, watching the snow tumble down.

\- - -

By nine o’clock the only thing stopping Levi from going looking for Eren is the fact that he can’t leave the dogs alone.

The living room is way, way too cold, even with the fireplace; and Levi can’t help but think about how cold things are going to be like later in the night, if the power doesn’t come back on. Ends up putting down a blanket and then convincing all the dogs to snuggle closer, until it’s him and the three of them all sprawled in a pile on the floor, as close to the fireplace as they can get.

It doesn’t help much, though.

And as Levi lies on his back with his head resting on Pepper’s stomach, the cold slowly seeping into his skin and his heart tangled up in his throat, it’s all he can do to hold back the panic.

One more hour. Eren’s getting one more hour, and then Levi’s calling the cops.

\- - -

It’s just going on 9:30 when there’s a banging sound at the back door.

Levi scrambles across the living room and into the kitchen, and yanks the door open.

Eren’s covered in snow, and he’s holding Sally in his arms.

Barely staying upright, and still somehow managing to hold on to her, with her head against his shoulder; and the cold cuts through Levi as he steps forward and takes Sally, cradling her against his chest. She’s like an ice block, as she whines quietly against his neck; and he’s barely stepped back before Eren’s closing the door, his eyes red like he’s been crying – and then he just stands there, looking completely lost; and Levi can’t do doing anything for him, like this, with his arms full.

Grits his teeth, and then turns and heads for the living room. Lays Sally down in front of the fireplace – as gentle as he can – even as Lily and Rascal and Pepper immediately start to whine and nudge against her; and then Levi turns back around and goes right back into the kitchen. Eren’s managed to get his boots and gloves off, but he’s biting his lip and trying unsuccessfully to get his coat zipper down, and Levi steps forward and puts his hands over Eren’s icy ones.

“Can I help?”

Eren just blinks at him, for a moment. Then, he nods, his eyes skittering over Levi’s shoulder; and Levi tries to keep his hands steady. Tries to ignore the way his knees are shaky with relief. Gets Eren’s jacket and hat off, and helps Eren out of his snow pants, too, snow flying all over the kitchen floor; and Eren’s somehow managing to look embarrassed through how hard he’s shivering.

“Levi…”

“Any nausea?”

His heart’s pounding, and his stomach is fucking _aching_ ; and he focuses on brushing snow off Eren’s shirt. Watches as Eren stares at him some more, before he shakes his head, still looking a bit stunned, and – no nausea, and he’s still shivering. Good signs. And Levi’s heart lurches as he takes Eren’s hands and looks at them, carefully. Can’t see any signs of frostbite. Looks up to find Eren looking overwhelmed, again, though he makes no attempt to pull his hands out of Levi’s; and his face is red, now that he’s pulled his scarf off. Red, and not white. No hints of frostbite.

“I…”

“Still got feeling in your nose and ears and toes?”

“I – yes. Yeah, I-I’m –”

“Ka, well, I-I don’t think you have hypothermia or frostbite, so that’s –”

“Levi –”

“You should get out of these clothes, though, find something dry –”

“We g-gotta look a-after –”

“I’ll take care of her, alright? Why don’t you go find something warm to –”

Eren’s lips are like ice, when they press against his cheek.

Levi’s still not breathing by the time Eren pulls back.

For a second, they just stare at each other.

Then, Eren puts a hand on his cheek, right where his lips had been.

“Thank y-you.”

Levi can’t even manage a nod. He might not have, too, because Eren’s lips curve up, just a bit, and he squeezes Levi’s hand – his fingers are freezing – before he turns and leaves the room.

Levi has to just stand there, for a moment, staring at the doorway, until he’s able to suck in a breath and go back into the living room. Feels his heart twinge at the sight of all the dogs piled onto the blanket together, with Sally in the middle, and Rascal and Lily and Pepper all pressed up against her. It’s enough to make Levi’s eyes itch, and he kneels down to join them, putting a hand on Sally’s back. She’s already warmer, and she shifts and whines, leaning up to meet him, her eyes almost baleful as she cranes to look up at him; and Levi puts a gentle hand against her head. Swallows and runs her fingers along her ears, which don’t feel as cold as they could be.

“You guys have a really amazing human, don’t you.”

The little huffing noise from Sally somehow sounds like agreement, and Levi looks around. Finds a blanket on the couch, and then stands up just long enough to get it, before he kneels back down and starts nudging all the other dogs out of the way, ignoring the resentful little sounds he gets.

“Yes, yes, I know, I’m the worst. You can all snuggle a-again in a second. Just let me –”

Rascal licks his hand, even as she moves out of the way; and Levi stares at the four of them – four pairs of those big ridiculously sweet puppy eyes, all staring up at him – before he swallows and rubs a hand across Rascal’s head, and then sits down beside Sally and starts looking her over.

He’s no vet, but until the plows finally make it through the storm, he’s all Sally’s got.

First, he checks all her feet, before moving on to her ears and nose and tail, and then finishing with the rest of her body. No discoloration, no blisters, no brittle skin, no swelling, no signs of frostbite at all – and he only realizes he’s just kind of hanging his head in relief when Sally licks his hand, as though she wants to know why Levi stopped petting her; and Levi can’t stop the smile. Gives her a rub across the head, and then leans away just long enough to grab a pillow off the couch. Sets it on the carpet, and then lies down and wraps his arms around her. Pulls the blanket up over both of them, and then curls up behind her and pulls her as close as she can get.

Maybe everything’s going to be fine, after all.

And Levi’s own shivering has lessened, a bit, with the way he’s hiding under the blanket, by the time Eren comes back. Levi can’t see him, with how he’s facing the fireplace; but he hears him enter the room, even as Lily and Pepper and Rascal all climb back to their feet and make happy little sounds as they scamper around to meet him; and Levi just kind of helplessly holds on to Sally – shit, he’s got fucking _butterflies_ again – until there’s the sound of Eren’s footsteps, and Levi watches as Eren kneels down beside them, putting his hand on Sally through the blanket.

“She any w-warmer?”

Eren’s in new clothes – jeans and a jacket – but Levi can see how badly he’s still shivering – can see how fucking _exhausted_ he looks – and it makes something inside Levi’s chest twist.

He never even had a chance, probably.

Eren’s the kind of person who follows dogs into snowstorms.

Levi was probably lost the second he walked in the door.

And he only realizes that he’s just helplessly staring when Eren looks at him; and Levi suddenly finds something fascinating on the blanket.

“A bit. And she’s not frostbitten – I mean, I’m no vet, but –”

“How do y-you know all this stuff?”

Eren’s staring at him like Levi’s done something amazing, again.

Levi very quickly goes back to staring at the blanket.

“I – research, for when I’m writing –”

“Should have g-guessed.”

Eren’s smile is kind of way, way too fond, when Levi looks up.

Levi needs to not think about how much he likes being on the end of that look.

“We should, um, though – s-she should still go to a vet, once the roads are cleared –”

“Thank you for taking care of her.”

Eren’s not smiling, anymore. Is back to looking really overwhelmed, actually; and the blanket is still really fascinating, somehow. Especially with the way he can all but hear Eren hesitating.

Levi needs to _say_ something.

Feels the silence stretch, hanging horribly between them; and then Eren ducks his head, and lifts the blanket enough that he can reach Sally, though he’s blushing a bit as he glances at Levi.

“Sorry. It’s not that I don’t trust you to –”

Levi waves a hand, as best he can, with how he’s snuggled in under the blanket.

He gets it. If anything, it just makes Eren that much more endearing.

“You’ll f-feel better if you can see for yourself that’s she fine?”

Eren nods, but he still looks a bit embarrassed; and Levi doesn’t bother to try to stop his smile.

“She’s a lucky dog, you know. They all are. It’s pretty obvious h-how much you love them.”

Eren blushes a bit worse, but he looks a bit pleased, too; and then Sally whines and tries to lick him, and Levi closes his eyes as Eren starts to look her over, making soft little soothing sounds.

If he has to lie here and watch Eren be this adorable, then he’s going to end up saying something he shouldn’t. Something that would wreck what little time they do have.

And he only realizes that the silence is dragging when the blanket’s been laid back down, with Sally all tucked in again; and Eren’s just biting his lip and staring at Levi, when Levi looks back up – and Levi needs to _say_ something. He’s thirty-four-years-old. He should be able to do this.

He should be able to just fucking ask Eren to crawl in under the blankets and join him.

Instead, he ends up staring back down at the blanket, his heart suddenly _slamming;_ and it only takes a second before Eren seems to come to some kind of decision, because he stands up and walks back around Levi. Kneels down, and then hesitates some more, hovering there like he doesn’t know what to do next; and Levi squeezes his eyes shut, his heart climbing up into his throat.

Yeah. He was probably lost the second he walked through the front door.

“So, you c-crawling in here, too, or what?”

He barely gets it out.

And, for one more horrible second, there’s nothing.

Just the slamming of Levi’s heart, and the way he can practically feel Eren hesitating.

Then, there’s a wave of horribly cold air, before Eren slides in under the blanket, too; and Levi can feel every bit of tension seep out of him as Eren wraps his arms around him and pulls them as close together as they get, and – Levi’s heart is beating so quickly it’s actually hurting him.

“Is this… okay?”

Eren sounds kind of heartbreakingly unsure, again, just like he had the night before; and Levi has to actually bite his lip.

_This is all I’ve wanted to do since I met you._

_Come back to Vancouver with me and snuggle me there._

_All I want to do is stay here and hide away from the world with you and your dogs._

He can’t. He can’t fucking say any of that.

He shouldn’t even _want_ any of that.

Because he’s not going to ruin this by wishing for more than he can have. He’s _not._

“S’perfect, Eren. You’re – it’s p-perfect.”

He sounds like he’s been crawling around in the desert for days.

And when Eren swallows and pulls him closer, Levi just closes his eyes and lets himself be held.

He’s in far too deep, and he doesn’t even want to come up for air.

And he’s barely had time for that thought to sink in before Eren shivers so hard it would have probably knocked them over, if they were standing; and Levi tries to press closer to him.

“Pretty s-sure I’m supposed to be the warm big spoon, here.”

He’s barely got it out, though, before Eren’s shaking his head against him.

“I’m okay. If you just – keep Sally warm – I’m fine, like this –”

“Are you –”

“I’m sure, seriously, it’s fine, it’s –”

Whatever he was going to say, though, is cut off by a sudden woofing noise beside them; and Levi cranes his head to find Lily staring at them almost reproachfully, before she lies down right along their heads, like she’s maybe feeling left out of the snuggle pile, and – _shit,_ Levi loves these dogs. He really does. And he’s barely had time to realize that before Pepper and Rascal are curling up against them, too; and, holy crap, Levi can actually _feel_ Eren smiling against him.

It’s easily one of the best things he’s ever felt.

“Silly puppy dogs.”

Eren’s still smiling against his neck, and he sounds so fucking _fond_ that Levi can’t even deal with it; and Levi just kind of helplessly squeezes his eyes shut, the enormity of it sinking in.

He’s snuggled up with a bunch of dogs and the most wonderful boy he’s ever met.

And he kind of really never wants to leave.

And the thought’s barely had time to settle, low and aching, in his gut, before Eren shivers really damn hard again; and Levi finds his hand under the blanket. Laces their fingers together, resting on top of Sally; and doesn’t miss the way Eren sucks in a breath, even through how badly he’s shivering, and – as awful as it will be to walk away tomorrow, Levi wouldn’t trade tonight for anything.

He’s not sure what he did to end up on Eren’s doorstep, but he’s always going to be grateful that he did.

“Levi…”

“I’m really glad y-you’re okay.”

And –

He can hear it in his own voice. Can hear just how gone he is. He’s going to give himself away.

But Eren’s just curling up closer against him; so maybe it’s okay. Maybe Levi didn’t wreck this.

“Me, t-too. And – um – thanks. For everything.”

“I didn’t –”

“For knowing w-what to do with t-the house. For – helping the animals, and knowing about frostbite, and –”

“Eren –”

“And for – um, this. For – treating me like an adult, and letting me –”

He trails off, and Levi swallows.

He’s holding his breath. Can’t seem to let it out.

“For, um. I-I just –”

“You made some very convincing arguments.”

He sounds _horribly_ breathless, suddenly. Shit. But Eren’s grinning, again, so it must be okay.

“Heh, well, I had some – um, really good incentive.”

And –

Eren sounds embarrassed, suddenly, but also rather pleased with himself; and, oh, lord, Levi’s _blushing_ . Blushing so badly it’s ridiculous, actually, spreading out hot across his cheeks and neck, and – shit, he must be going red all the way up to his _ears,_ even, because Eren’s laugh is a bit breathless.

“Wow, Levi. Do you blush everywhere, then?”

For a second, Levi’s mouth just hangs open.

Monster. He’s actually created a monster.

And good _lord_ if they weren’t frozen and snuggled up in a pile of dogs, he’d have some choice words for Eren, right now. Words that would probably have him squirming in seconds. As is, all he can do is blush and hold on to Eren’s hand, feeling Eren just keep fucking _smiling_ against him.

“You – you can just s-shut up, okay, cause –”

The shiver that wracks through Eren damn near shakes Levi’s hand free, and Levi tugs Sally with him as he pushes back closer. Tightens his grip on Eren’s hand as Eren makes a sad sound.

“This – this i-is _ridiculous_ –”

“Tell you what, then.”

Levi’s mouth is suddenly dry, but – actually, no, he _does_ need to say this. And he hears and feels Eren make a vaguely affirmative noise, even as he shivers, again, and holds on tighter to Levi.

“Yeah-h?”

“If we make it u-until morning without dying –”

_“Levi –”_

“Then y-you’re welcome to see just how far that blush goes.”

For a moment, there’s nothing but the sound of Levi’s heartbeat, slamming in his ears; and then Eren sucks in a breath, and buries his face against his neck; and Levi rubs a thumb over his hand.

Shit, his heart feels like it’s going to beat right out of his chest.

“If you want to, of course –”

“Of _course_ I-I –”

He’s cut off by another violent shiver, though; but it’s enough. It’s more than enough.

And Levi just squeezes his hand and snuggles back closer, trying to tug Sally with him.

“Alright. Morning i-it is, then.”

“Levi…”

“We got a h-hell of a long night ahead of us, though. Any ideas?”

For a second, he’s expecting a smirk and some less than innocent suggestions – can almost _hear_ Eren thinking about it – but then Eren shivers, again, and the noise that he makes sounds miserable; and it’s all Levi can do to stay where he is. Wants to turn around and wrap Eren up close.

“Eren…”

“Tell me m-more about yourself?”

It’s barely audible. Muffled against Levi’s back, with the way Eren’s hiding his face there.

And Levi closes his eyes.

He’d tell this boy anything. Anything he wanted to know.

He’d stay right here, hidden away with Eren, for as long as Eren would let him.

It’s a dangerous, dangerous thought, though; and Levi takes a deep breath, his throat gone tight.

“What – what d-do you wanna –”

“Anything. Literally, w-whatever you want to tell me.”

It’s still barely audible – Eren’s the one who sounds embarrassed, now – and Levi rubs a thumb over his hand, his chest doing that _awful_ aching thing and his stomach flipping all over, and – right. He can do this.

If Eren genuinely cares about what Levi has to say, then Levi can damn well talk the whole night away.

And Levi’s not going to wreck this by asking for more.

It would be crazy. Absolutely crazy. He's known Eren for two days. He just... he can't do that.

But for tonight, though - just for this one night - he’s curled up around a beautiful boy who wants to know more about him; and Levi closes his eyes, his heart getting all tangled up in his chest as Eren's fingers tighten in his, and he presses a bit closer to Levi, trying to curl around him like they're not quite close enough, and, god, Levi _can't_ care this much, he _really_ fucking can't, and -

Yeah.

He really needs to just be happy with this. 

He needs to just be grateful for tonight, and count himself lucky that he ever met Eren at all.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (CW for a mention of panic attacks).

By four am, the power’s still not back on.

It’s freezing. Absolutely freezing. Levi’s been getting up to put wood on the fire, when necessary – Eren had wanted to take turns, of course, until Levi had convinced him that, of the two of them, Eren was definitely the one who needed to stay as warm as possible – but it’s not helping much, at this point. Even the dogs have fallen silent, save for the occasional little whining noise.

They’d changed their set-up around, too, by about the time it hit midnight, with no hint of the heat coming back on.

Now, all four dogs are under the blankets with them.

Levi and Eren are on either side of Sally, with her squished in between them and their heads on the pillow, facing each other – and, at that point, Levi had just given up on subtly. With them facing each other, there’d been no point. He could see every blush and tired smile on Eren’s face, and Eren’s been able to watch him, too, for hours now; and Levi’s not even sure how long he’s been playing with Eren’s hair for, at this point. He’s too tired to keep himself in check. Too tired to worry about giving himself away. He knows how fond his expression must be, but Eren’s maybe been staring at him the same way, all night; so maybe it’s okay. God, Levi’s just so tired.

And it’s not like they both _need_ to stay awake. Levi could manage everything on his own. Could make sure the fire keeps going, and make sure that someone’s awake as soon as the power comes on.

But Eren had wanted to stay up with him. And Levi didn’t have it him in to argue.

They’d added gloves to their layers, at some point; but their fingers are still laced together, and he’s careful to keep his other hand gentle as he plays with Eren’s hair, brushing it across his skin.

“Your turn.”

Eren’s eyes aren’t even open, and his voice is barely there. Levi’s not sure how much longer they’re going to stay awake. And his mouth feels kind of funny, like the words are too heavy.

“When I was your age, I-I volunteered at an animal shelter.”

Eren makes a soft humming sound, and his fingers tighten in Levi’s, even though his eyes stay shut. Levi knows he’s just kind of shamelessly staring, but there’s nothing he can do to stop it.

“Cuddling kittens?”

“Yeah-h. Good for them, and good for me, too.”

The noise he gets in return somehow manages to be sympathetic and understanding all at once; and Levi takes a breath, and traces a finger along Eren’s eyebrow, watching Eren’s lips curve up.

Levi has no idea how he’s getting away with this.

This would be frighteningly intimate, even with a long-term lover. And yet here Eren is, letting him do this. And Levi needs to not read into it. Needs to remember that this is all new to Eren.

“Hanji says there’s n-normally at least one litter in the barn, every spring.”

“Stray-ys?”

“Mmm.”

“Lucky kittens.”

Eren grins, a bit, though it breaks on a yawn, before he snuggles a bit deeper into the pillow; and Levi swallows, and slides his fingers along Eren’s bangs, loving the way he presses into it.

They’ve been doing this all night. Lying here, pressed together, and trading stories.

Levi’s honestly not sure how he’s going to walk away in the morning.

He’s told Eren things that he’s never told anyone else. Had just found himself talking, all night, like a dam had finally broken. And Eren had just taken it all – had listened, and hadn’t once judged him – and had then turned around and given little bits of his life right back. Levi knows what makes him happy, and what makes him sad. Knows his favourite colour, and his favourite pokemon. Knows that he gets panic attacks, too. Knows that he loves the rain. Knows that Eren wants to finish school and get into local politics. That he wants to make a difference in the world.

Levi is possibly in love with this boy.

“You should help me name them.”

Eren’s still got that tired little smile on his face, and Levi needs to not think about it. He can’t be in love with this boy. It’s impossible. That doesn’t happen overnight. It’s a myth. A fairytale.

And yet here he is.

And it takes him a long few seconds before he’s able to get his throat unlocked enough to speak.

He’s gone. He’s so far gone.

“Who?”

“The kittens.”

It’s barely a sound. Levi feels his stomach twist. Rubs a thumb along Eren’s cheekbone.

“Planning f-far ahead, I see.”

His voice cracks, a bit, with how shaky he feels; and Eren doesn’t respond, for a second. Behind Levi, Lily makes a little whine; and Levi bites his lip. They’ve got three blankets over all of them, but the chill of the floor is starting to seep into him, even through the carpet beneath them.

They really need the heat to come back.

“I can… name them for you, in the spring.”

It’s barely audible. Eren barely looks like he’s awake, anymore. And Levi feels his heart clench.

“Eren…”

“I… you… since you won’t be here, I can… it’d be nice to name one for you, if you want...”

Eren’s asleep pretty much as soon as he says it – Levi can see the way any remaining tension drains out of him, leaving him limp on the pillow – and Levi just closes his eyes and breathes.

He’s in love with someone he’s known for two days.

And he wants to be here in the spring.

He wants to wander back here once the snow melts and help Eren name all the new kittens.

And all of these things are impossible.

For a long, horrible moment, there’s nothing but the crackle of the fireplace, and the sound of the wind outside; and then Pepper whines and nudges against him, where she’s curled up against his knees; and Levi squeezes his eyes shut a bit tighter, his fingers still pressed against Eren’s cheek.

He needs to not think about it. This doesn’t happen in real life. It’s impossible.

“Levi?”

It’s barely a whisper, and Levi can’t stop the way he jumps.

Not so asleep after all, it seems.

And he has to lick his lips before he can speak.

“Yeah?”

“Please t-tell me you hear that, too.”

For a second, he doesn’t understand.

Then, he does

Metal scraping over pavement, barely audible through the storm.

He’s never been so happy to hear snowplows in his life.

“Oh, thank fuck.”

He doesn’t care that it sounds reverent. Because as much as he doesn’t want to leave, they need to get Sally to a vet. And Eren’s already moving, trying to squirm out from under the blankets.

“Hanji put a – there’s a number, on the fridge. Can you – she’s an on-call all-hours home care vet, about a thirty minute drive from here. If I-I shovel the driveway, can you call her and –”

Levi manages to wrap a hand around his sleeve, before he can get out from under the blanket.

Watches as Eren blinks at him, looking so exhausted it’s a bit painful to watch.

“What…”

“Or, how about you stay, right here, where it’s warm, and sleep for a bit, alright?”

“But –”

“I-I can call her, and do the driveway, okay? Just gotta tell me where the shovels are.”

“But…”

“Come on, Eren. You already saved Sally’s life. Why don’t you rest for a bit? I got this.”

For a few more seconds, Eren just kind of stares at him, and Levi think he’s going to argue; and then he blinks, hard, his eyes suddenly a bit glassy; and Levi swallows, hard, as Eren bites his lip.

“I can’t. I gotta – help. But you – you’re really sweet to offer, Levi. Thank y-you.”

Eren’s already moving, again, as soon as he finishes talking; and Levi lets go of his sleeve, trying to swallow down the butterflies; and then they’re sliding out from the under the blanket, into the freezing air; and he’s careful to quickly put the blankets back over the dogs. Tucks them back in, and then turns and follows Eren into the kitchen, everything around him feeling a little bit hazy.

\- - -

By about seven am, both of them are barely staying upright, but they’ve made progress, at least.

Together, they’d managed to shovel the driveway.

Eren had called the vet, too, and then Levi had called for a tow truck.

His car is out of the ditch – finally – with only a few scrapes; and Sally’s been given a professional look over. The vet had taken a look at all the other dogs, too, and then went out and checked on the barn animals, while she was there; and after she’d gone, Levi had ended up waiting for the tow truck, while Eren had stumbled out to the barn to do the morning chores. Levi’s just payed the tow truck driver and stepped back inside the house when all the lights come on again; and Levi doesn’t bother to hate himself for the catch in his throat as he gets out of his cold clothes and heads back to the living room, throwing some wood on the fire and making sure the dogs are all still covered. Plugs in his cellphone, and then heads to the kitchen, surveying his options.

Eggs. Eggs are probably a safe bet. And tea. Eren would probably appreciate some tea.

And by the time Eren stumbles back inside – Levi lets the dogs outside, for a bit, and then makes sure they all have plenty of blankets to curl up on – the house is warmer, and Levi has breakfast waiting. For a second, Eren just kind of stands in the doorway and blinks at him; and Levi, suddenly, realizes that he’s just helped himself to the kitchen, even if his intentions were good.

“Um… sorry. Should have asked. Wanted something warm for you –”

He doesn’t get to finish, though; because Eren’s already kicking out of his boots, and then walking around the table to take his hand. Laces their fingers, and then hovers there, biting his lip, before he blushes and leans in to gently kiss his cheek, so hesitant it makes Levi’s chest hurt.

“Thank you.”

Eren sounds a bit shaky, and Levi can’t manage words, so he settles for a nod.

And everything’s a bit of a blur, after that, as they eat their food and then stumble upstairs.

The animals are all taken care of, the doors are all locked, and the heat is finally back on.

It’s ten am and it’s about goddamn time for them to sleep.

And Levi doesn’t hesitate for a second as he lets Eren lean him into his bedroom. Watches as Eren pulls back the blankets and lies down; and then Levi slides in behind Eren and wraps his arms around him. Ends up damn near melting into the mattress as Eren sighs and pushes closer, warm and solid and so fucking perfect against Levi, as they both finally let their eyes slide shut.

\- - -

When Levi wakes up, he’s alone.

The clock beside the table is reading close to 6 pm – Eren must have reset it, then, before he left – and the pillow smells like Eren. For a second, Levi considers burying deeper into it; and then he grits his teeth and makes himself sit up.

He’s already too far gone. He’s not going to be extra creepy on top of it.

And the floor is surprisingly warm as he crosses the room to his suitcase. He’d lugged it inside, as soon as they’d gotten his car out of the ditch; and he takes just long enough to find his travel case and clean clothes before he wanders towards the washroom. Doesn’t see Eren on the way there – wanders into the kitchen and living room, just in case; but, other than Sally, who’s dozing by the fireplace, even all the dogs seem to be outside, too – and then he heads for the washroom. Strips out of Eren’s clothes – tries to not think about how much he’s going to miss wearing them – and then steps under the shower, letting the warm water chase the residual chill out of his bones, and –

The roads are clear. The storm has stopped. His car is out of the ditch.

He could easily make it back to Vancouver by midnight. He doesn't have to, necessarily - he has a contract position starting in a few days, but he's free until then - but he could make it back by tonight.

Could get home to his own apartment, and be plenty ready for when work comes calling in a few days.

In any other situation, it’s what he would do.

But he doesn’t want to leave. He really, _really_ doesn’t want to leave.

And, after everything last night, he’s pretty damn sure that Eren doesn't want him to leave, either.

It’s a thought that makes his face heat, even in the shower; and his hands aren’t steady as he scrubs himself down. Gets dressed, and gets his teeth brushed; and then he bundles himself up and heads outside, again, ignoring how freezing the wind is in his damp hair. Gives all the dogs a pat as they come running to meet him – even Lily’s outside, gallivanting like a puppy – before they go back to playing in the snow – and it doesn’t surprise him at all to find Eren in the barn.

He’s sitting on the same set of stairs, again, with what looks like a bucket of corn beside him – out here taking care of the animals, then – and his eyes are on the floor; and he doesn’t even hear Levi until Levi closes the door. Closes it, gently, and then looks up to find Eren staring at him.

For a second, they just look at each other.

Eren’s in new clothes, too. Levi can see his damp hair, too.

Neither of them should be out here until they’ve completely dried off, probably.

And Eren’s biting his lip. Looking like he wants to say something, but doesn’t know how.

It’s unfreezes Levi’s feet from the floor, somehow. Gets him moving until he’s crossed the small space between them, though Levi stops just short of touching him, his heart beating hard enough to hurt.

He’d spent basically the entire last night playing with Eren’s hair.

Why is he hesitating now?

“So, um – your car’s good to go, then?”

Eren doesn’t sound happy about it, though. Looks like he’s trying very, very hard to be happy, but not quite getting there; and Levi just stares at him at some more, before he manages a slight nod. Watches as Eren bites his lip some more, his eyes going to the floor, still looking really horribly unsure; and Levi swallows, a wave of protectiveness suddenly burning up through him.

This is ridiculous. He’s thirty-four years old. He shouldn’t be making Eren second-guess this.

The thought’s barely processed before Levi’s holding out his hands; and he doesn’t miss how quickly Eren reaches out to take them. Takes his hands, and lets Levi pull him to his feet, until they’re pressed together, with Eren’s face in his shoulder, and Levi’s arms wrapped around him.

Levi could stand here and hold him all night.

“Do you… do you still want me to stay?”

His voice is all fucked up, and he barely gets it out before Eren’s nodding, and pressing a bit closer to him. His breath is warm against Levi’s skin, and Levi finally lets his eyes slide shut.

Yeah. He needs Eren to not be second-guessing himself, here.

Just because Levi’s flying apart inside, that’s no reason for Eren to be feeling unsure.

Of the two of them, Levi’s the one who has some idea of what he’s doing. And if all he’s going to get is tonight, then he’s damn well going to do his best to give Eren a night he’ll never forget.

“Yeah. I want you to stay.”

It’s barely audible, with Eren hiding in his shoulder; and Levi tightens his grip around him.

_I want you to stay._

Yeah. 

Yeah, he can do that.

And he doesn’t miss the way Eren shivers – in a way that Levi’s pretty sure has nothing to do with the cold – when Levi presses a kiss into Eren’s damp hair, keeping it as gentle as he can.

“I want to stay, too.”

“Ka.”

Eren sounds really, really breathless, suddenly – and more than a little overwhelmed – and Levi lets them hang like that, for a second, before he pulls back enough that Eren has to look at him. Finds him looking flushed and embarrassed and just so _cute_ that Levi can all but feel his teeth grind.

Keep it together. He needs to keep it together.

“You still wanna –”

Eren’s already nodding, though; and Levi feels his lips pull into a smile.

“You didn’t even let me –”

“I knew what you were going to –”

“I mean, I could have been asking if you wanted to muck stalls, or something.”

_“Levi.”_

It has the desired result, though, because Eren’s looking kind of reluctantly amused, now, instead of just looking nervous; though he goes wide-eyed, again, when Levi puts a hand on his cheek.

“I’m serious, though. I do anything you don’t want, you stop me, alright?”

For a second, Eren just blinks at him. Then, he nods, and licks his lips, flushing even worse; and Levi just stares right back at him, his stomach flipping at the trust in Eren’s eyes – _shit,_ what he would give to have Eren look at him like that every night, but – that’s not here. That’s not now.

Right now, he’s got Eren looking at him like _that_ , and – yeah, alright. They’ve already waited long enough for this. Eren trusts him to do this right, and that’s exactly what Levi’s going to do.

And he keeps it as gentle as possible as he leans in for a kiss. Has to crane up, a bit – Eren seems too frozen to think about leaning down to meet him – but that’s okay. Levi can work with this.

Barely brushes their lips together, and then does it again when Eren’s hands latch on to his arms. Kisses over to the corner of his mouth, still keeping it as gentle as he can –  his heart is _pounding_ - and then slides his fingers up into Eren’s hair, even as Eren sucks in a breath, trying to lean closer; and Levi goes back down on flat feet, and – very gently – scrapes his teeth along Eren’s lip. Feels his skin flush at Eren's sharp inhale, followed by a shaky little sound when Levi gentles everything, again, carefully curling his fingers into Eren's hair and just barely brushing their lips together; and Eren’s barely started squirming when Levi pulls back, to find Eren looking blind-sided. Wide-eyed and flushed, and with his mouth hanging open; and Levi can’t stop the low burn of pride, but – more than that, he feels about as rattled as Eren looks, too.Realizes that they’re just kind of staring at each other, and gently tugs his fingers out of Eren’s hair and takes his hands, instead.

Yeah. He’s in so much trouble.

“C’mon, then. We – we’ll be a lot warmer inside.”

For a moment, Eren just keeps staring at him. Then, he nods, though he still seems too rattled to move; and Levi takes a deep breath, and leans in to hug him, instead. Wraps his arms around him, and presses his face in Eren’s chest; and he feels Eren freeze, before he wraps his arms back around him, too, and – alright, yeah, this isn’t going inside, but the house isn’t going anywhere.

For a few more minutes, then, maybe they can stay out here, just like this.

He’s wrapped up around this beautiful boy, in this barn in the middle of nowhere, with Eren more or less fucking nuzzling into his hair, and all the tension seeming to drain out of him as he lets Levi hold him.

Yeah. Maybe they can stand here for just a bit longer.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Apologies for the wait on this chapter, folks. <3 And thank you so much to everyone for all the kind words and encouragement and lovely feedback. Ya'll are the best, truly. :) 
> 
> Also, I definitely had ['Save Tonight'](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TnEdUVBjZfo) by Eagle Eye Cherry playing pretty much the whole time I writing this, hee. ♥
> 
> (Kink advisory: mild scratching kink.)

They don’t end up back in bed, though.

Instead, they end up back in front of the fireplace.

They just barely succeed in making it back inside the house – with Eren gone all shy again, in a way that’s making Levi’s heartbeat stutter – before Eren starts tugging Levi towards the living room; and Levi doesn’t get it for a second until Eren blushes and puts his face back in Levi’s shoulder, his voice gone so quiet Levi can barely hear it. Takes him a second to realize what Eren’s asking; and then Levi’s flushing like an idiot, too, as he nods. Goes about making them a new pile of blankets on the floor – and it should be cliché, it should be _so_ cliché; but Levi doesn’t even _care_ – and by the time Eren’s made sure all the dogs are comfortable in the kitchen, Levi’s made them a nice area right by the fire. For one painful, awkward second, as Eren closes the door behind him with a sharp click, they just stare at each other; and then Levi remembers that he’s the one who’s supposed to know what he’s doing, and he holds out his hands for Eren.

After that, it doesn’t take long for them to end up on the blankets, with the heat of the fire beating against them.

Like this, the height difference doesn’t matter at all. Levi can just sit on Eren and kiss him as soundly as he’d like. Slowly works him up to it – he needs to stay in control here; needs to make sure Eren’s getting what he needs – until Eren’s panting, and trying to return the kiss, finally – trying to mimic what Levi’s doing, which is so fucking cute it just about bowls Levi over – and Levi’s aching in his stupid jeans by the time he stops kissing Eren long enough to look at him. Stares down at him – flushed and wide-eyed, with the firelight on his skin, and his expression some mixture of overwhelmed and desperate, but – he doesn’t look nervous, though. Not that Levi can see, anyway. And it’s like whatever tension was left in Levi’s stomach just fades away.

“You don’t look nervous.”

His voice sounds like he’s been chewing on gravel. Eren swallows, staring up at him.

“I – I’m not.”

He had been, though. Two nights ago, he’d come to Levi’s door and looked like he was about to shake himself apart. And now he just looks desperate, but not in the least bit scared.

Amazing the difference two days can make, maybe.

Hell, that first night, Levi had still all but been a stranger.

And now they’re… they’re whatever this is, with Eren looking up at him like he trusts him completely.

It’s too much. Levi has to curl down and hide his face in Eren’s neck.

“Levi?”

Eren’s fingers are gentle, where they’re threading through his hair. Levi squeezes his eyes shut.

He can’t think about this now. He’s got tonight. And tonight’s about making Eren see stars.

“If you – y-you do get nervous, or you want to stop –”

“I’ll tell you. I promise.”

“Alright.”

Levi barely gets it out. Eren’s voice has softened, and fingers are sliding against Levi’s neck, now. Down, and then back up again – hesitating, for a second, before they slide against Levi’s undercut; and Levi feels himself shiver. Knows Eren must feel it, too, with how hard he swallows; but he doesn’t stop the movement. Keeps rubbing his fingers against the bristly hair, until Levi’s shaking right through, heat shooting down from his neck and all over his entire body.

Fuck. Fucking jesus _fuck_ –

“Think I might be on to something here.”

Eren sounds adorably unsure, like he _thinks_ he’s reading things right, but isn’t quite positive; and Levi feels his teeth grind together. _He_ hadn’t even known this was a thing for him. Can’t manage more than a nod – and then he’s stiffening everywhere at the scrape of Eren’s fingernails. Gentle, barely putting any pressure, but still definitely there; and Eren immediately yanks his hands free.

_“Sorry,_ I’m sorry, I just thought –”

“Eren…”

“I-I like it when I scratch my own h-head and –”

“How are you so adorable?”

Levi doesn’t mean to say it. It just slips out, with how hard he’s breathing.

And when Eren goes really silent, Levi just stays where he is. Can’t bare to look at his face. Can’t do much of anything, really, until Eren’s fingers settle back in his hair; and all it takes is a shaky nod from Levi before Eren drags his nails again, even gentler than before; and Levi should probably be embarrassed by the way he groans and melts against Eren, but he really doesn’t care.

So much for him seducing Eren. He should have known that Eren would seduce the hell out of him, too.

“So, that’s… good?”

Levi nods, again. Hears Eren suck in a shaky breath, before he goes back to what he was doing, sometimes rubbing, and sometimes scratching, just hard enough; and Levi possibly has goosebumps, which is just so fucking – who the hell gets this turned on from a head scratch?

It doesn’t matter, though. Eren’s not going to make fun of him, so it’s okay.

In fact, Eren feels like he would happily lie here and do just this all night, even with how hard he’s breathing; and it’s Levi who finally sits up, again, though he knows his face must be really red. From the way Eren’s staring up at him – looking a little awestruck – it’s probably all okay.

All of this is okay. Levi can be a flustered dork here. Eren’s not going to judge him for it.

“So, um –”

“Eren –”

“Nails, then? Is – is that a thing, for you, or just – just in that one spot?”

Christ, he’s taking the time to _ask_ ; he’s staring up Levi and looking embarrassed but still asking, anyway; and Levi grits his teeth together – shit, this boy is _unreal_ – before he puts a hand on Eren’s chest, gently, and just kind of… shifts, a bit, until the very noticeable hardness in Eren’s jeans is pressed right up against Levi’s ass. It’s enough to make himself flush; but it’s the worth it for the way Eren’s mouth drops, even as his hands snap out and his fingers dig into Levi’s legs.

“Levi…”

“Can scratch me anywhere, as long as you don’t break the skin, alright?”

Eren’s response is a wide-eyed stare, before he nods, still seeming rather distracted by the press of Levi’s ass against his dick; and Levi swallows through how fucked up his own breathing is starting to get.

“Feel good?”

He doesn’t mean to sound like something out of a porno, but he needs to ask. Needs to know if it feels good. And Eren’s barely finished nodding before Levi presses down a bit harder, his heart jumping at the way Eren tries to squirm up against him, heat spreading all the way down his face and neck.

Fuck, they’re so overdressed. Levi wants to see how far that blush goes.

“Yeah, f-feels good.”

Eren’s biting his lip, again. Looking a bit dazed, and biting his lip. Levi could really get used to watching him bite his lip. It’s really fucking distracting, actually; and it’s only through sheer force of will that he keeps his ass right where it is, and leans down to kiss down Eren’s neck.

Gets a whimper, for that, as Eren’s head tilts back, and his fingers end up back in Levi’s hair.

“Levi, I –”

“Mmm?”

It seems to take him a second, with Levi’s mouth on his throat; and then there are fingers pulling at his shirt, and getting absolutely nowhere with it. It’s so fucking precious it almost hurts.

“Overdressed, we should –”

He sounds just as flustered as Levi feels, the words shooting right through him; and Levi leans down a bit further, until his lips are right by Eren’s ear. Hesitates, for a second, but – fuck it.

“Do you want me to take your clothes off, Eren?”

He doesn’t even have to try to pitch his voice lower. He already sounds pretty much wrecked. And the way Eren’s hips try to jerk up is incredibly telling, even as he pulls back to find Eren blushing and putting his hands over his face, like he’s extra embarrassed now and trying to hide it; and the jolt of self-confidence that shoots through Levi really, _really_ helps. Helps with just about everything, actually. And his grin is probably a little too pleased, but that’s probably okay.

So Eren likes hearing him talk, then. Well. Levi can definitely do that.

For now, though, he needs to clarify something. Because as much as he doesn’t want Eren to be nervous about any of this, he also doesn’t want him to be embarrassed. Wants him to know that whatever he’s thinking or feeling here is okay. And he doesn’t miss the way Eren squirms when Levi reaches down between them and slides his fingers just under the very bottom of his sweater.

“Levi…”

“Nothing to be embarrassed about, by the way.”

Eren instantly stops squirming. Levi’s read him right, then. And he carefully keeps drawing gentle circles against Eren’s stomach, feeling the way his skin jumps underneath the touch.

“I…”

“I mean it, you know. Don’t feel bad about any of this, alright? I – I’m just as – affected, by all this, as you, so –”

He falters, a bit, at the end; but Eren’s already taking his hands away from his face. Stares up at him, the firelight reflected on his face – Levi has no idea what his own expression is doing, but it’s probably stupid – and then Eren gets that sweet little smile, again, like Levi’s maybe done something amazing; and Levi immediately ducks his head and goes back to hiding in Eren’s neck, because meeting Eren’s eyes when he looks at Levi like that is just a little bit too much.

Maybe he can play it off as having a thing for kissing Eren’s neck, or something.

And then he squeezes his eyes shut and just ends up kind of breathing there when Eren’s fingers end up back in his hair.

“Ka. Thank you.”

Levi swallows. Manages a nod, and then goes all melty again when Eren’s fingers brush against the back of his neck. Just barely touching, light and gentle, and enough to raise goosebumps across his skin; and he has to take a second longer before he can he sit back up. Makes sure to position his ass in a way that has Eren biting his lip and very obviously trying to not squirm. It’s hot as hell, and Levi’s fingers are shaky when he dips them under the bottom of Eren’s shirt.

“Still want this gone, then?”

He barely finishes asking before Eren goes completely still, and then nods, his breathing audibly picking up; and Levi takes a deep breath, too, and then gets to work. He’s less than graceful about it as he sits up and slides out of his own shirt – feels the warmth of the fire spread across his skin – and Eren can’t seem to stop staring, until he gets distracted by Levi pushing his knees apart and crawling down until he can lift Eren’s shirt and press his mouth against his stomach. Doesn’t miss the way Eren jumps under the touch, or the way his hips try to leave the floor. It’s really kind of unfairly hot; and Levi keeps his eyes closed – he _knows_ that Eren’s staring, and it’s a little embarrassing; but Levi doesn’t want him to stop – as he gently nudges Eren shirt up. Bit by bit, kissing and licking his way up his stomach until his mouth is on Eren’s nipple and Eren’s possibly going to knock them both over with how desperately he’s trying to squirm against Levi.

“Please, _please_ –”

Levi could get used to the sound of that.

Strips Eren’s shirt over his head – doesn’t miss how red he is – and then makes an awkward attempt to get out of his pants while still kneeling there. Ends up with his jeans down to his knees, for a second; and then he grits his teeth and just sits down on his ass – smooth, so fucking smooth – as he slides them off the rest of the way. Loses his socks, while he’s at it, and then climbs back in between Eren’s legs to find him wide-eyed and staring at him, and Levi just kind of needs to… stare back at Eren, for a second. Naked save for his jeans, skin painted in firelight, his hair a mess, and that damn look of near-wonder on his face, and… Levi’s suddenly frozen.

No one’s ever looked at him like that.

No one’s ever listened to him talk for hours, and then kissed him like the world was ending.

“Levi…”

Levi doesn’t want to give this up. He _really_ doesn’t want to give this up.

“Levi, are you –”

Levi drops his hands back down to Eren’s pants. Cuts him off by dipping his fingers in right under the waist of his jeans, just barely tugging on them.

Later. Levi needs to think about everything else later.

“Still want these gone?”

For a moment, Eren just stares at him. Then, he swallows, and nods; and Levi slides down and yanks Eren’s socks off, first. Slides his hands back up the insides of Eren’s legs, over his jeans – doesn’t miss the way it makes Eren twitch – and then fumbles with the buttons and zipper until he can tug the jeans down, trying to keep himself together as he does his best to slowly peel them off. Doesn’t want to rush – but Eren’s squirming, trying to help; and Levi can take a hint. Tugs them off and tosses them somewhere behind him and dear sweet _god_ he could stare at Eren all night. He’s got on nothing but black boxers – the same type he’d given Levi to wear, _christ_ – and his legs are stupid long, and his hips should be fucking _illegal,_ and Levi wants to nibble all over his chest and shoulders, and – and the thing he’s doing with his face is probably _way_ too honest, because Eren’s suddenly looking all kinds of overwhelmed again, which – right. Levi should – he should do something more, here. Nudges back between Eren’s legs and just about loses his mind when Eren’s legs wrap around him, easy as breathing, even as Eren flushes even worse and can’t seem to look at him anymore. Ends up jolting against Levi, though, when Levi reaches down to gently cup him through his boxers, his pulse jumping at how damp the material already is.

“Shit, fuck, _shit_ –”

It’s a nonsensical little stream of curses, mixed with Eren’s panting breaths, as Levi slowly traces just his fingertips against the shape of him through the material, his heart racing, and – lube. They need lube. Fuck. He’s not giving Eren a dry handjob. He wants to do this properly. Wants –

Oh. Oh, he’s been an idiot.

And for a second he kind of wants to just bury his face in his hands and groan.

Safer sex is good sex. It’s the _only_ sex he ever has. And now he wants to fucking kick himself.

“I don’t suppose you happen to have any condoms?”

It takes Eren a second. Then, Levi takes his hand away – it’s probably not fair, trying to make Eren have a conversation like this – and Eren opens his eyes, looking a bit dazed, before his lips press together and his expression melts into something that looks more unsure than anything else.

“Oh. Um. Did you want to…”

He trails off, and – right. Levi is an idiot. That’s not even what he meant, but of course that’s what it sounded like.

“Cause, um – I’d w-want that, too, if you want to, um – f-fuck me, then, yeah, I’m –”

Eren cuts off on a sigh as Levi leans down to kiss him, his face flooding with heat, and his pulse jumping up so suddenly it hurts. Keeps the kiss as gentle as he can, and then pulls back to look at Eren, his heart skittering around in his chest, and his hand still resting on Eren’s thigh, and – christ, even if they had a condom, Levi’s not sure that he’d agree. That would probably be a bit much.

_Come back to Vancouver with me. Let me take my time with you._

Jesus, fuck, what is _wrong_ with him?

“Levi?”

Shit. Shit, he’s spacing out again.

“As tempting as t-that offer is, Eren, that may be something you wanna work up to.”

“So… so you weren’t asking –”

Levi shakes his head. Puts a hand on Eren’s bare stomach, sliding his fingers against his skin. Dips them down until they’re playing against Eren’s boxers, again, making him shift into it.

“I was more thinking, actually, about how much I’d like to get my mouth on you.”

And – alright. He’s officially rendered Eren speechless.

Also, it’s _really_ fucking satisfying to see that, indeed, Eren blushes all the way down his chest.

_Fuck,_ that’s hot.

Fucking _hell_ he wants to take his time and learn how to make Eren blush _everywhere._

“I-I don’t have any condoms.”

It’s barely a squeak, and Eren still looks like Levi’s blindsided him. Levi fights the urge to smack himself in the face. _Shit,_ he should have thought of this earlier. Should have – well. It’s not like he could have teleported to a store, even if he had thought about it. He’ll just have to get creative.

“I’m, uh – clean, though. Since I’ve never, um, with anyone…”

Eren feels like he’s barely staying still, even as he says it. Levi can feel the way he’s trying to squirm. Levi, just barely, refrains from leaning down to kiss him. Makes himself stay where he is.

“So am I.”

He knows he is. He’s been tested, twice, since the last time he had sex. If he hadn’t been – if he thought there was any chance of giving Eren something – he wouldn’t be doing this at all.

“But… but we still shouldn’t…”

Levi nods, and then goes back to dragging his fingers against Eren’s chest. Doesn’t miss the way Eren’s breathing speeds up with every drag of Levi’s fingers across his skin. _Shit,_ he’s gorgeous.

“Yeah. We shouldn’t. And I’d feel like an ass for asking you just to believe me.”

For about half a second, he thinks Eren might protest that; but then he seems to get it, because he nods, and tries to press up into Levi, his breath catching as Levi, gently, rocks back against him.

“So… so w-what do you wanna…”

“Got any lube?”

He tries to keep it casual, for about half a second; but he’s pretty sure the crack in his voice gives him away. Besides, they’re probably far past that type of pretense. Levi knows that he probably looks like a wreck. And when Eren nods, and then tries to squirm out from under him, Levi leans down to kiss him. Feels him sigh into it, all but melting as Levi presses a hand against his cheek.

“S’okay. I can get it, if you want. Where –”

“Suitcase. By the couch. Front pocket.”

He sounds wonderfully breathless, and Levi kisses him, and then slides off him, not missing the way Eren watches his every move. Crouches down beside the suitcase, and unzips it with fingers that aren’t steady. Finds what he’s looking for, and then slides back over Eren, kneeling over top of his thighs, and – at least Levi didn’t have to go upstairs. That would have been a bit chilly.

Though with the way Eren’s looking at him right now, Levi’s pretty much warm right through.

Staring up at him, like Levi’s done something wonderful again.

And Levi only realizes he’s pretty much just frozen when Eren’s hands come up to cup his face, and Eren tugs him down for the sweetest little gentle kiss. Levi ends up squeezing his eyes shut.

Fuck. He’s not thinking about tomorrow. He’s _not._

“Eren…”

“I’m, uh. I’m trying to find a nice way to say that I’m glad you ditched your car.”

Levi barely hears it, even with how closely they’re pressed together.

Then, it sinks in, and he can feel the way Eren’s maybe tensed up, a bit, underneath him.

It’s all Levi can do to kiss him again. He’s not going to read into what Eren’s saying. He’s _not._

“So am I.”

He breathes it right against Eren’s lips, his heart pounding, and can actually feel any remaining tension slide out of Eren; and when Levi pulls back, Eren looks so happy that Levi can barely even look at him. Presses a final, gentle kiss to his lips, and then drops down to his neck, again. Kisses and licks his way across Eren’s chest, ending up with Eren’s hands in his hair; and then Levi’s making himself flush as he slides a hand down Eren’s stomach and dips his fingers under the top of his boxers. It’s a bit awkward, with the way he’s kneeling; but it’s worth it for the way Eren squirms into him, which gets Levi moving, again. He ends up back between Eren’s legs – meets his eyes, and gets a shaky nod, before he pulls his boxers down his legs – slowly – and then drags his hands back up his bare legs after, even as Eren goes pink and can’t seem to look at him – and then Levi gets rid of his own boxers, too. Enjoys one blessed moment of his new freedom, and then slides back across Eren’s thighs, and stares down at him. His dick’s curved up towards his stomach, hard and damp, and he’s gone bright red, and doesn’t seem to know where to look first, his eyes skittering down to Levi’s dick, and then up the rest of the his body, and then back down again, which – _wow,_ Levi’s really getting a lot of practice at feeling protective and turned-on at the same time. Takes a breath, and then – very deliberately doesn’t do what Eren would probably like him to do. Just trails his fingers along Eren’s dick, instead. He’s not surprised when Eren tries to buck up against him. Can’t move much, though, with Levi sitting right on him.

“Levi…”

“Hmm?”

Eren just gnaws on his lip some more, and squirms, a bit helplessly. Levi swallows through how dry his mouth is, and slides until he’s between Eren’s legs, instead of sitting across his thighs – and it’s the easiest thing in the world for Eren to wrap his legs and arms around Levi. It’s terribly easy, actually – it’s like they just _fit;_ like this is the most natural thing in the world – and they end up pressed together, all the way down their bodies, with Eren’s dick sliding against his stomach and Eren’s nails digging into his back and Levi’s mouth on his neck and dear sweet _god_ Levi’s too old to be fighting the urge to rub off against Eren like a teenager.

But it gets a groan out of Eren, which is hotter than the sun; and Levi just kind of… closes his eyes, and lets himself stay there.

He’s known this boy for three days. This shouldn’t feel like safety.

It does, though. He feels safe.

And Eren’s hips are moving in jerky little motions against his, even with the way Levi’s got him pinned, and it’s so hot Levi can feel it everywhere. Gives himself a moment, and then reaches for the lube – his hand is shaking, and the click of the bottle is loud, even over the sound of their breathing – and then rubs it between his fingers, and keeps the touch light as he finally wraps his fingers around Eren. Feels his own face flush at the weight and warmth of him in Levi’s hand; but it’s nothing to the way Eren’s mouth drops open, one of his hands clamping down on Levi’s free arm, which – Levi knows that he’s staring, but he doesn’t care. He can feel how damp Eren is, as he slides a thumb over the top of his dick. Can’t take his eyes off him, his skin still painted in that damn firelight, and that blush gone all the way down his chest – and then Eren gets his eyes back open and catches Levi staring, and can’t seem to look away, even as he flushes and bites his damn lip again – and watching Eren’s face twist with pleasure is so hot Levi that has to lean in close, again. Ends up more or less just plastering them together as he holds himself up just high enough that he can keep his hand moving around Eren.

It’s still not fancy, but it’ll work. In fact, based on the way Eren’s mouth is slack underneath his – the way he can’t seem to coordinate himself enough to kiss back – it’ll work really damn well.

And Levi does his best to make sure they’re touching everywhere. Tries to blanket as much of Eren as he can. Remembers, suddenly, that this is all he’s ever getting – and he immediately takes a breath and tries to slow everything down, his heart stuttering in his chest and his throat going a bit too tight. Gentles the movement of his mouth down to soft little nips and kisses – even if he can’t _say_ that he cares, he wants Eren to know it, even a bit – wants him to know that this means something – and Eren lets out this shaky little noise and sighs into Levi’s mouth; and then Levi just about feels his heart melt when Eren’s fingers end up back up in his hair. Twist there, gently, before they slide back down to Levi’s undercut, managing to rub in soft little motions there, and – shit, this boy is unreal. He’s panting like he’s already about to come all over Levi’s hand, and he’s _still_ trying to focus on something that he knows makes Levi feels good, and –

Levi’s never gotten butterflies in the middle of jerking someone off, before.

It’s enough to knock him off balance, his hand faltering around Eren; but Eren’s making a little noise and wrapping his legs around him and trying to pull him closer, still doing his damnedest to keep kissing him; and it’s so fucking cute Levi can barely deal with it. Closes his eyes, and braces himself, a bit better, over Eren, as he wraps his hand around both of them, doing his best to keep the touch light. Ends up panting against Eren’s mouth as he slowly starts to stroke them both, because – he needs a hand around himself, too. He’s already wound tight enough to break.

Based on the noise Eren makes as he tries to pull Levi closer, it’s really working for him, too.

And Levi hadn’t even realized how close he was until he’s already almost there.

They’re touching pretty much everywhere, and Eren’s falling to pieces underneath him.

Levi’s not going to last. As much as he never wants this to end, there’s no way he can hold on.

And he’s just started kissing Eren’s neck again – given how much he seems to like that – when Eren’s groaning and trying to tug him back up for another kiss, shaky and barely coordinated but like Eren really doesn’t want to stop kissing him, which just gets Levi’s stomach flipping all over again; and then Eren comes with a shaky little whimper, his mouth going slack and his body curving under Levi, and Levi squeezes his eyes shut and strokes him through it, heat shooting through him as Eren keeps gasping into his mouth. Ends up just kind of helplessly panting against Eren’s lips, keeping his fingers around them both, slowing his hand down for Eren – he’s _aching_ , though, his heart is hammering, he _needs_ to – and then Eren’s fingers slide up to rub against his undercut, soft and sweet as he breathes Levi’s name; and Levi sucks in a breath, goosebumps prickling out across his body and his stomach fluttering so badly it actually kind of hurts.

“Eren…”

He only realizes that Eren’s moving when there’s a hand next to his, gently nudging his away, wrapping around him; and all it takes is the slide of Eren’s fingers, hot and damp around him, before the heat inside Levi breaks, leaving him shaking as Eren kisses him through it. Kisses him all shaky and unsteady as Levi crumples above him, barely staying up; and he gives up on that entirely when Eren twists until it’s so easy for Levi to slide sideways, right into Eren’s arms. Ends up pressed against Eren with Eren’s face in his neck, and Eren’s arms wrapped around him.

For a long few seconds, there’s nothing but the slamming of his heartbeat.

Then, Eren tries to tug him closer; and Levi squeezes his eyes shut and goes with it, resting a hand against Eren’s chest. He’s not sure how long they lie there – he can feel Eren’s heartbeat – until one of Eren’s thumbs starts drawing circles against his hip, so gentle it makes Levi shiver.

“We should… we should clean up.”

He doesn’t sound like himself. Sounds all rough and shaky and ridiculous.

And he’s pretty sure that he never wants to move again.

And the noise he gets in response – some adorable mixture of protest and exhaustion, as Eren shakes his head and tries to press his face deeper into Levi’s chest – is so cute Levi can barely deal with it. Takes a moment to breathe, and then closes his eyes, pressing his face into Eren’s hair.

A bit longer, then. They can stay here for a bit longer.

His entire body feels like putty, and the fire is warm against his back, and Eren’s heart is still slamming. Beating like crazy underneath Levi’s hand, with Eren’s breath still coming shaky against his neck, and – yeah. Just a little bit longer. And, maybe, Levi can forget about tomorrow for a while. Can just lie here and hold Eren close, and pretend that tomorrow won’t ever come.

_Come back to Vancouver with me. Or I’ll visit you here. Anything. We could make this work._

It twists up through him, and Levi grits his teeth together, biting the words down, but –

Eren could say yes, though.

With the way he’s curled up around Levi like any space between them would be too much, he might say yes. He might be just as gone over Levi. Might be just as crazy, too. Crazy enough to give it a try. Might be just as willing to give them a chance, if Levi would just find the guts to ask.

Levi doesn’t ask, though. 

Instead, he just closes his eyes, and focuses on the feeling of Eren’s heart beating under his palm.

\- - -

When Levi wakes up again, everything is much warmer.

He’s still naked, but he’s underneath a blanket, now, and it’s incredibly comfortable.

Eren, though, is no longer pressed against him.

And Levi’s barely got his eyes open before he feels like his heart’s crawled up into his throat.

Eren’s back in his boxers and his sweater, though his legs are still bare. He’s sitting at the end of their makeshift little blanket bed, and he’s got his knees pulled up to his chest, his arms wrapped around his legs, his chin resting on top of his knees, and his eyes fixed on the fire in front of him.

He looks… sad. Looks pretty damn miserable, actually, and like he’s trying to curl in on himself.

                     

 Levi, distantly, realizes that he’s barely breathing.

Watches as Eren stares at the fire for a bit longer, before he takes a deep breath, squeezing his eyes shut as he ducks his head and pulls his knees closer to himself, resting his face against them.

Levi’s stomach, suddenly, is tied up in such a ball it’s almost impossible to speak.

He has to, though. He has no idea what’s happening, but he can’t just sit and watch this.

“Did –”

He barely starts to get it out, though – _Did something happen?_ – before Eren damn near yelps, jumping like someone’s pinched him; and then he’s staring at Levi, eyes wide and his mouth open, and – a second later he’s smiling, though, and putting a hand on his chest, breathing hard.

“Oh, jesus, you – sorry. I thought you were sleeping.”

“I didn’t mean to startle –”

Eren’s already shaking his head. Shaking his head, and crawling back up the blanket, until he’s lying beside Levi. He’s still smiling – trying to, maybe? – but Levi think it’s looks a bit… brittle.

“Are you okay?”

“Hmm? Oh, yeah, fine. Just – didn’t wanna, um – didn’t wanna wake you. Figured you could use the rest, after last night.”

Eren’s still smiling, a bit, and Levi opens his mouth, and then closes it again.

Something’s not right. He knows that something’s not right. He didn’t imagine what he just saw.

But maybe he shouldn’t pry. Eren’s been so open, about everything – if there’s something that he _doesn’t_ want to share, then maybe Levi shouldn’t push. He’s not Eren’s boyfriend, after all. Not even close. Hell, and even if he _was_ , he still wouldn’t have any right to pry, really, if Eren didn’t want to tell him. If Eren doesn’t want to share what’s going on, then Levi needs to accept that.

Unless… unless Eren regrets what they did?

But he’s leaning in to kiss him, though, so it can’t be that. And, after a second, Levi swallows and kisses back, his heartbeat stuttering when Eren’s hands come up to rest against either side of his face. They rest there, barely putting any pressure at all, as Eren kisses him so gently it hurts, until Eren pulls away; and, when he does, his cheeks are flushed, and his smile’s still a bit shaky.

“Come on, then. We’ve got hot water, now. Why don’t we –”

Levi’s already nodding, though something still doesn’t feel quite right.

He doesn’t have time to ponder, though, because Eren’s already pulling away, and starting to gather up their clothes; and Levi just watches him, for a second, before he takes a deep breath.

If it’s not his place to pry, then why does he feel so shitty about letting this go?

\- - -

In the end, he ends up in up back in bed before Eren.

They end up taking separate showers, after all, when Eren remembers that he still needs to check on the barn before he sleeps. Levi stays just long enough to watch Eren bundle himself up and wander out into the freezing darkness, with Pepper and Rascal yapping and chasing after him; and then Levi finds the shower, scrubs himself down, and checks that the heat’s still working alright before he crawls into Eren’s bed, his heart stuttering as he presses his face into the pillow.

It smells like Eren. And it’s enough to make Levi groan as he rolls onto his side, instead.

He wasn’t going to be creepy about this. He’s not going to lay here and smell Eren’s damn pillow. He’s going to just curl up around Eren all night, and then, tomorrow, he’s going to walk away. He’s not going to lay here thinking of kitten names, or imagining showing up at Eren’s university after Eren’s done his end-of-year exams. He’s not going to think about taking Eren around Vancouver, and introducing him to all the places Levi loves. The cafes, the bookstores, that spot by the water that nobody else seems to know about, where Levi can watch the ships come in – he can’t think about that. He’s had three days with Eren. He needs to be happy with that.

You don’t ask someone to go steady with you, long-distance, after three days.

You just… you don’t _do_ that. No matter how much he and Eren have in common.

Maybe he should, though. Maybe he should say something.

The idea makes his heart hammer even worse, and Levi sits up, all the sleep suddenly gone from this body. If he asks for more, he could ruin this. Could take this memory and wreck it. If he _doesn’t_ ask, though… he’s going to spend years regretting it. He has to at least ask. Hell, it’s only been three days, sure, but he’s been happier here, with Eren, than he has been in his entire _life._

And that… that’s not something he can ignore.

And, based on the last few days, he’s pretty sure he makes Eren happy, too.

It’s enough to make him too jittery to lie still, and he’s up and pacing by the time Eren comes back. Levi’s left the bedside lamp on, and he can see how damp Eren’s hair is, and – his legs and feet are still bare, and he’s got on a sweater that’s just a little too big for him, and he suddenly looks almost embarrassed, as he darts a little smile at Levi and closes the door behind him; and Levi doesn’t give a fuck about what he should or shouldn't do, suddenly. Not with Eren looking at him like that. With Eren looking at him like that, it doesn't matter that what Levi's been contemplating is probably crazy. He has to at least ask, or he'll never forgive himself.

And all he has to do is hold out a hand. Eren blushes even worse, and steps forward to take it. Lets Levi draw him in until Levi’s face is pressed into his neck, and Eren’s chin is resting on top of his head. Levi should really hate the height difference, probably. Instead, he just feels safe. Feels the tension seep out of him as they wrap their arms around each other, holding on tight.

Levi _needs_ to say something. He needs to ask. He’ll hate himself forever if he doesn’t.

“Hey, Eren…”

“Mm?”

“Do you –”

He can’t ask, though. Can’t say it. Fuck, he’s such a _coward._

What if Eren says no?

“What is it?”

Eren’s hands are sliding up and down his back, gentle and careful. Levi opens his mouth, and then closes it again. Can feel how shaky his knees are going. His lungs can’t seem to get enough air.

"Levi? Are you –”

“Aren’t your legs cold?”

He grits his teeth, as soon as he says it. Idiot. He’s such an _idiot._

And Eren’s little laugh makes his stupid heart squeeze even tighter.

At least, on the plus side, whatever Eren had been making him sad earlier, he doesn't seem to be thinking about it now.

“Yeah, guess so. Bed?”

Levi manages a nod, and then lets Eren tug him to the bed. Hesitates, just for a second, before he crawls in after him, and promptly ends up tugged against Eren, with Eren’s arm around him and his lips against Levi’s temple, and it’s – everything Eren does, it’s all so _affectionate,_ so honest, like it’s the most natural thing in the world or them to be like this, and Levi _doesn’t know what to do._

What if Eren says no?

The thought’s broken, though, by Eren’s yawn – he must be exhausted - and Levi swallows through the wave of fondness, and tightens his grip around Eren.

Tomorrow. He can figure everything out tomorrow. Right now, he's got Eren half-asleep in his arms, and Levi needs to just focus on this moment. Needs to cuddle Eren until Eren fall asleep.

“Sweet dreams, Eren.”

He can hear the horribly obvious fondness in his voice, but there's nothing for it. And it's okay, maybe, when Eren smiles against his temple, his arms tightening around him.

“You too, Levi.”

It’s a bit muffled, pressed into his hair, before Eren kisses his temple, and then somehow manages to snuggle even closer, sighing in that way that just sounds so bone-deep happy; and Levi closes his eyes and holds on tighter in return, his stomach flipping over again.

Tomorrow, then. He’ll ask him tomorrow.


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (A/N: Okay so this chapter has lots of fluff and cuteness [such a surprise, I know :P], but it also has some sadness; and while the next chapter will make things better, I wanted to let folks know now, in case ya wanna wait to read this chapter until the next chapter’s done, too. I’ll likely have it written and posted in a few days.<3)

When Levi wakes up again, it takes him a moment to realize that he’s not sleeping any more.

Everything’s warm. Warm, and gloriously comfortable. He doesn’t want to move. There’s barely any light coming in through the windows – just the slightest hint – so it must be horribly early.

But Eren’s squirming, beside him – sliding out from under the blankets – and Levi hears himself make a little protesting noise, and then ends up blushing as Eren leans down to kiss his cheek.

“Hey, sorry. Go back to sleep, okay? Gotta go look after the cows.”

It takes Levi a second to process it, with the warmth of Eren’s lips on his cheek. Eren’s warm, and the blankets are warm, and Levi’s eyes aren’t even open, and Eren needs to _go look after the cows._

It should be funny. Hell, it should be hilarious. The situation probably couldn’t get any more sleeping-with-a-farmboy cliché. Levi should really be laughing, right now.

He’s not, though. He’s too busy fighting the way his fingers want to curl in Eren’s sleeve.

_I want this. I want this with you. I want to live on some stupid filthy germ-ridden farm with you._

_I want to wake up next to you in the morning. I don’t care where we are._

Dangerous. Dangerous, dangerous thoughts.

He doesn’t even manage a nod. Just holds on tight to the blankets as Eren brushes Levi’s bangs away from his face – not _fair,_ that’s so not _fair_ – and then gets up and leaves, obviously doing his best to close the door quietly behind him. It doesn’t matter, though. Levi’s already awake. And there’s no way he’s going to be going back to sleep. Not when he only has hours left here.

_You need to ask him, you idiot. You need to just fucking ask him. The worst he could do –_

… He could say no.

The worst he could do is say no. And that… that would be bad. That would be awful.

Not asking at all would be worse, though.

And, for a long few minutes, Levi just lies there, his face pressed into the pillow. Then, he makes himself sit up, and slides his legs over the side of the bed. The clock on the wall is reading just after six, and the floor is freezing, and – Levi gets to his feet, shivering as he leaves the blanket behind.

Boots. He needs his boots, and his jacket, and his gloves. He can’t go outside in just his pajamas.

\- - -

By the time Levi makes it out to the barn – it’s starting to snow, and it’s horribly cold; and even the dogs have stayed inside, sprawled out all over the kitchen and living room – he’s shivering so hard it hurts. He should have really taken the time to change into jeans, probably. And his ears are freezing.

That doesn’t matter all that much, though, once he finds Eren.

Eren doesn’t hear him. Levi hadn’t been trying to be quiet, but maybe Eren’s just distracted by what he’s doing. He’s across the room from Levi – leaning against a stall railing, with his elbows resting on top of it – and he’s got five cows eating out of the troughs in front of him, all of them making happy huffing sounds as they chow down on... whatever it is that Eren’s provided them with.

And, even as Levi watches, Eren reaches out to gently rub one of them on her forehead, giving her the sweetest little smile as he does so, and… Levi’s pretty sure he feels himself fall all over again. Ends up with a hand on his stupid fluttery stomach as he watches Eren rub behind her ears, his smile growing as she stops eating long enough to huff at him and press up into the head rub.

“Oh, so does that mean I’m forgiven, then? Ten minutes late with breakfast, and you’d think I’d left you to starve all winter, or something. I had things to do, ya know. Important people things.”

He’s talking to the cow. It’s six in the goddamn morning and he’s standing out here talking to a cow.

Levi is definitely in love with this boy.

“I _did,_ okay. I’ll have you know that I have a gorgeous guy in my bed right now, and I’m _still_ out here at ass o’clock in the morning to feed you, so all you rascals can just take your sass and –”

Levi’s not sure what he does to give himself away. Maybe he makes a noise, or something. Whatever the reason, Eren stops talking. Seems to hesitate, before he glances over at Levi, and then jerks his gaze away and goes back to determinedly staring at the cow, his face gone so red Levi can see it from all the way across the barn, and – god, Levi’s in love. He’s so very in love.

“I’m, um. I’m just gonna pretend that didn’t happen, so if you wanna play along, that’d be –”

“You’re fucking adorable.”

"Oh, _god,_ shut up, that’s –”

“I mean it. You’re kind of unfairly cute, actually.”

Oh, god. Oh, god, why is he _talking._ He shouldn’t be allowed to talk before he has coffee.

But Eren, if anything, blushes even worse, and promptly finds something on the ground to stare at; and Levi can’t do anything but close the space between them, his boots loud on the concrete floor. Puts his hands on Eren’s elbows and stares up at him, not missing the way Eren bites his lip as he looks up, and – Levi’s pretty sure that his own face is giving far too much away right now, but – fuck it. He’s going to ask this boy to date him. So what if he gives himself away now.

“I mean it, you know. And –”

“Yeah, well, this from the guy who’s got the cutest bedhead in the entire _world,_ so –”

“I do _not_ –”

“You really do, actually. It’s all… fluffy, and stuff.”

Levi opens his mouth – his hair is not _fluffy_ – but he can’t say anything, because Eren’s grinning, now. Biting his lip and grinning, looking still embarrassed but also horribly pleased with himself, as he raises his hand to Levi’s hair, and – pauses, and then tugs his gloves off. Sticks them in his coat pocket, before he brings his hand back to Levi’s hair, that fond little smile back on his face.

“There. Germy cow gloves gone.”

He says it like it’s nothing – says it like there’s nothing weird about it; like he’s not judging Levi for being such a disaster about this stuff – and Levi just stares at him. Can’t seem to say a word.

His face must be saying it for him, though – god, the fact that Eren remembered, the fact that he _cared_ enough to – because Eren’s smile softens to something painfully sweet; and then Eren’s fingers are sliding through his hair, and Levi can feel himself flushing all over again _,_ and… alright. Maybe his hair _is_ a bit fluffy, then. And if it makes Eren this happy, then Levi doesn’t care. He can live with having fluffy hair. Anything that makes Eren look at him like that is okay.

“I’m really glad I met you, Levi.”

Eren’s eyes are still on his hair, and his smile’s slipped, a bit, and his voice has gone really soft.

Levi, suddenly, can’t breathe.

What – did Eren just –

There’s no hint of a smile, anymore. His eyes are on Levi’s hair, like he can’t really look at him.

And Levi needs to say something.

“Eren…”

_I really, really like you. I think I more than like you._

_Please be my boyfriend. I’ll do everything I possibly can to make this work._

Levi opens his mouth – he _needs_ to ask – and then the cow beside them makes the most unholy sound that Levi’s ever heard, and he only realizes he’s yelped and tripped over nothing when Eren’s already caught him, yanking him close and just barely stopping him from falling on his ass.

“Holy – shit, Levi, you okay?”

For a second, he can’t do anything but stare up at Eren, his mouth hanging open.

Then, the wave of mortification hits, and he closes his eyes, his skin going so hot it hurts.

Yeah. He’s one hell of a catch, alright.

“You mean besides being too embarrassed to exist?”

He can hear the misery in his voice. That was meant to sound like a joke. That was – shit, though, he’s _so_ embarrassed, who the hell gets scared by a cow? He probably looked so _stupid_ –

It takes him a second to realize that Eren’s standing him up, again, though his arms stay around Levi’s waist – and Levi, hesitantly, opens his eyes. Promptly closes them, again, when Eren smiles at him – he’s not laughing, though; why isn’t he laughing at him? – and then presses a kiss against Levi’s forehead. He’s the perfect height for it, and Levi just closes his eyes and holds on. Can’t even breathe as Eren stays like that, holding him close, smiling against his skin.

“S’okay, ya know. One time I fell asleep on the couch, and Sally barked right in my ear and scared me so bad I ended up throwing a book across the room, so. You’re not the only one.”

Levi can’t say anything. His heart’s beating too hard and his throat feels a bit itchy.

“’Sides, these cows are fucking _loud._ You should hear ’em before they’re fed, honestly. Noisy little – I mean, sure, don’t get me wrong, I love them, and all, but the lungs on them are just –”

“Will you go out with me?”

For a moment, nothing feels quite real.

Then, Levi swallows, the air pretty much gone from his lungs.

He did it. He actually said it.

And the barn is terribly quiet, suddenly. Nothing but the sound of the cows eating, and the distant noise of the wind outside, and – Levi’s glad that he can’t see Eren’s face. Can feel how perfectly still Eren’s gone. Can feel every second drag by, until Levi’s gritting his teeth and pulling away.

Stupid. He’s so _stupid._

“Sorry, I… I shouldn’t have…”

“Levi…”

“I’ll just… I should… long drive t-to Vancouver, I – I should go, before the snow gets any…”

He can’t quite finish, though, with Eren staring at him like that – mouth hanging open, looking completely shocked, as though he hadn’t expected the question at all, which – fuck, of _course_ he hadn’t expected it, this was supposed to be _over_ after today – and Levi takes a breath and turns away.

He was wrong. This is worse than not knowing.

He’s barely made it a step, though, before there’s a hand on his arm.

“Wait.”

It’s barely audible, even with how close Eren still is. And Levi closes his eyes, his chest hurting.

He can’t just walk away. Even if Eren doesn’t want him, they should probably talk about this.

“Sorry, I-I – I know this was supposed to be… over, after today, that we were supposed to be –”

“Wait, please, just –”

“I’ll understand if –”

_“Levi.”_

Eren’s voice breaks on it, and Levi stops talking, and closes his eyes.

He’s fucked this up. He should have _never_ said anything.

And then Eren’s nose is cold, when he presses it against the back of Levi’s head.

Presses up close against him, sliding his arms around him; and the wave of relief nearly takes Levi’s out from under him.

He can’t move, though. Can’t move, can’t breathe – and then Eren’s arms tighten around him, and Levi turns and buries his face into Eren’s shoulder, Eren’s arms sliding back up around him.

Oh, god. Oh, god, he didn’t ruin this.

He can’t say anything, though, even as Eren slides his hands down his back. Just stands there like an idiot as Eren turns his head to kiss his hair, so sweet about it that Levi can barely deal with it.

“I’ve been trying to ask you the same thing for days.”

It’s barely audible, even with how close they are. Low and shaky, and sounding just as overwhelmed as Levi feels; and when Levi manages to look up, it’s to find Eren still looking hesitant. Still looking almost nervous, maybe, like he doesn’t quite believe that this is happening.

Then, the words seem to sink in, and Levi can’t help his smile, even over the shake in his knees.

“Really?”

He feels like he’s flying, which – christ, this should be terrifying. He should be scared senseless about feeling this happy.

He’s not, though. He just feels… he feels safe.

And Eren nods. Opens his mouth, and then stops, his eyes dropping down to Levi’s chest.

“Yeah. I just… didn’t wanna be clingy, or – be creepy, about this, or ask f-for too much, or –”

“Eren –”

“I mean, you’ve only known me for _four days_ , and you’re – you’re _amazing,_ okay, you _are,_ and I – I didn’t see how I-I could _possibly_ ask, I thought I was being _crazy_ about all of this, and that –”

Levi can’t seem to speak.

Just stares up at Eren, as Eren stares at the floor. He looks incredibly young, suddenly – looks all of his only twenty-one years, uncertain and shaky and maybe a bit lost – and Levi keeps his hands gentle as he puts them on Eren’s arms, even as Eren sucks in a breath and keeps talking.

"But I – I _was_ going to. I mean, granted, knowing me, it may well have been with us standing in the middle of the damn _driveway,_ or something, right as you were leaving, before I-I got the guts, but…”

“Eren…”

“But I had to know, I knew that… I knew I couldn’t say goodbye without at least trying, so –”

“Well, you’ve got me now, okay? For as long as ya want me.”

And – he regrets it the second it’s out, though – christ, he’s such a – there is difference, for fuck’s sake, between _will you go out with me_ and _for as long as you want me,_ and Levi needs to _not_ – but it’s like that’s all it takes to wipe the hesitation from Eren’s face. And Levi’s skin goes really hot at Eren’s shy little smile, his eyes damn near fucking sparkling as he bites his lip and grins at Levi.

“Ya mean it?”

Oh.

So, they – okay, so they’re on the same page with that, then.

That’s… good. That’s… holy shit, wow. That’s – very, very good.

And Levi has to take a breath, suddenly, because he’s so fucking relieved he feels nauseated.

Christ. He is so gone over this boy. So very gone. It’s okay, though. Eren wants him, too, so that’s okay.

And Eren’s still smiling at him when Levi manages to speak, still holding on to Eren’s hands.

“I – yeah, Eren, I... I mean it. And – I know this is – it’s only been a few days, and we’ll have to figure out how to – well, I mean, you’re here, and I’m all the way out in Vancouver, and –”

“Guess we’d best get our skype accounts set up, then.”

Eren’s still giving him that shy grin, and Levi just stares at him – this is happening, oh, god, this is actually _happening_ – until Eren wraps his arms around him, and Levi can’t do anything but close his eyes as Eren presses another kiss against his forehead, which – yeah, alright, if the forehead kisses are going to become a thing, then, yeah, Levi is _totally_ onboard with that. Swallows and leans in to it, trying to get the words out, even as everything inside him goes all fluttery.

“You – you’ll have to teach me how, then. Can’t say I’ve ever been bothered with learning how to use it.”

He’s not surprised when he can feel Eren grin against him, and tightens his grip around him.

“Well, I’m sure we can find you some suitably nerdy username, then.”

“Jerk.”

“Maybe something to do with one of those lords of the fountain? Or –”

 _“_ _S_ _uch_ a –”

“Your jerk now, though.”

And – oh.

Okay, it’s going to take Levi some time to get used to that. Hell, he’ll probably _never_ get used to it, and – he keeps his eyes shut, his mouth gone a bit dry as he tightens his grip around Eren.

“You… you’re… yeah, that – that sounds, um – good.”

Wow. Smooth. He’s _so_ fucking smooth.

But Eren’s laughing, now, so it must be okay.

“Okay, I’m pretty sure I can actually _feel_ you blushing –”

“Ugh, shut up, alright, you –”

He doesn’t get a chance to finish, though, because Eren steps back – still smiling at him, god, Levi can’t even _deal_ with that – and then raises Levi’s knuckles to his lips, before he drops them, though he doesn’t let go of his hands, and – alright. Levi can’t deal with that either. Shit, his stupid heart is _racing,_ again.

“C’mon, then, Levi. Why don’t we head in? See, there’s a fireplace that’s super nice to cuddle up in front of, so –”

“I – I’m never going to be able to look at a fireplace again after this, ya know.”

“Well, luckily, this one’ll always be here, any time you’re able to come visit, so –”

“I’ve got one in my apartment, too.”

He doesn’t mean to say it. Doesn’t mean to just blurt it out. But judging by the heat that floods Eren’s face, maybe it’s okay? Hell, they’re official, now. Which means that Levi can say shit like this… right? Maybe? Oh, _god,_ he’s going to be such a dork, figuring out how this works, but – that’s okay. Eren’s not going to judge him for it. And Levi takes a breath as Eren bites his lip.

“I-I mean – sure, it’s not a wood one, it’s just – it’s fake, but it’s still warm, and, um –”

He stops when Eren’s hands curl a bit tighter around his, his face still an adorable shade of pink.

“That, uh – no, that sounds perfect, Levi. Maybe, some time, we can – we could cuddle up in front of that one, too, then? Cause that’d be… that’d be really, really nice, um – if you want –”

“You’re welcome to visit any time.”

He sounds just as breathless as Eren. And they just stare at each other until Eren sucks in a breath, looking just so pleased and embarrassed and _happy_ , suddenly, that Levi can barely deal with it.

“Well, in that case… why don’t we head in there, and compare schedules? Get skype set up, figure out weekends that we’d both be free –”

Levi can’t nod quickly enough. His heart feels like it’s being squeezed too tight by his own ribs.

It should be terrifying. He should be scared of this. He should be absolutely fucking _terrified._

He’s not, though. In fact, with Eren standing there, smiling at him and holding his hands, Levi’s pretty sure he’s never felt this safe in his entire life.

\- - -

They spend the next couple of hours basically plastered together.

Eren gets him set up with skype. Teaches him how to use it, and then sprawls out on top of him in front of the fire – with the dogs all curled up around them, again – and just holds him until Levi can barely breathe, anymore. Lets Levi go just long enough to make them breakfast, before the two of them go out to shovel the driveway, and end up in a snowball fight that only ends when Eren’s sprawled in the snow and laughing his ass off and just looking so fucking _beautiful._

It’s wonderful. It’s all wonderful. Eren’s wonderful.

Levi’s so completely gone, but that’s okay, finally. He went and fell for someone in the space of four days, but Eren wants him, too, so it’s okay. And he’s not surprised when they end up back in front of the fire again, as soon as the driveway’s shovelled. Eren’s curled up against him, head resting on his chest and his fingers in Levi’s; and Levi closes his eyes and tries to just breathe.

Because this can’t last much longer. He needs to leave. He’d been trying to not think about it, but his next contract position starts tomorrow – he’d already told Eren, when they’d been washing dishes tomorrow; and Eren had paused, and then leaned in to kiss Levi, before the two of them had ended up just kind of standing there wrapped up around each other for a while – and it’s a nine hour drive, still, back to Vancouver; and he really shouldn’t do it in the dark. And maybe Eren reads his mind – Levi definitely wouldn’t put it past him – because he sighs and snuggles closer. They’re surrounded by all the dogs, again, and Levi wants to stay right like this forever.

“Do you really have to go today?”

It’s so soft Levi barely hears it. Barely manages a nod, in response, his fingers tightening on Eren’s, and – this is real. This is actually happening. Levi’s so fucking lucky it’s incredible.

He does need to leave, though. As much as he never wants to.

“Yeah. Shouldn’t drive in the dark. And I’ve got to – that position’s tomorrow, and I need to… I should get home, and do laundry, and –”

Eren cuts him off with a kiss on the cheek, and then sighs as he lies his head back down again. He’s resting pretty much right on top of Levi’s heart, and Levi’s sure he can feel how hard it’s racing.

“Ka. As much as I… don’t want you to leave, I – yeah, I get all of that. Want me to – I can clean off your car, while you pack? Or I could make ya some snacks for the trip, maybe, or –”

It’s Levi’s turn to cut him off, because his heart’s fluttering too hard to keep listening.

And by the time he’s done kissing Eren, Eren’s all but melted against him, the dorkiest little smile on his lips as he hums happily and goes back to resting against Levi’s chest again.

“Levi…”

“Anything you wanna do, like that, would be incredibly sweet of you.”

“I –”

“But I can – I need to leave, but… we’ll make this work, alright? I’ll do everything I can to make this work.”

“Same. Promise.”

It’s barely a whisper, Eren’s breath warm against his skin; and Levi slides a hand up in his hair, and closes his eyes, his pulse hammering even harder, and Eren’s fingers tightening around his.

“Maybe I can… stay for a few more minutes, at least.”

He sounds a little strangled – sounds absolutely as overwhelmed as he feels – and when Eren’s response is to smile at him, before he closes his eyes and goes back to resting against his chest, that little smile on his lips, Levi squeezes his shut, too, and gently tugs Eren as close as he can get.

Just a bit longer. He needs to leave, but maybe he can stay just a bit longer.

\- - -

By about ten o’clock he’s reluctantly got his stuff all packed up.

He’d wandered upstairs to do it, after kissing Eren as sweetly as he could. Had ended up packing while Eren – the sweetheart – had cleaned off his car, and made him snacks for the trip. And by about ten o’clock Levi’s standing in the driveway – it’s like time had sped up, horribly, after he’d made the decision to pull himself away from Eren and go pack – and he’s standing there and watching Eren try to keep smiling, though he’s looking just as miserable as Levi feels, and –

Christ. He wants to take all his stuff, dump it back on the bedroom floor, and never leave.

 _God,_ this hurts.

“So – you’ll call, when –”

“The minute I get there. I promise.”

“I – ka, right, that’s –”

He stops, though. Stops, and blinks really hard, and stares out somewhere over Levi’s shoulder.

Levi needs to keep it together. For Eren, right now, he needs to keep it together.

Even though it feels like someone is ripping his heart right out of his chest.

“You’ll… so you’ll call, and you have skype, and –”

“Eren.”

“Sorry, _sorry,_ I just –”

Levi can’t move quickly enough.

Drops his bag, and steps it until he can put his hands on Eren’s cheeks, and then leans in and tries to coordinate his shaking body enough to kiss Eren as sweetly as he can, his stomach yanking tight when Eren goes still, and then melts into it, sliding his fingers up into Levi’s hair – gentle, god, he’s so fucking _gentle_ about it – and kissing him back until Levi barely knows what way is up, anymore. And Levi doesn’t pull away, completely, after. Leans in until his forehead is pressed against Eren’s, their breath fogging between them in the cool air, and Levi’s throat gone all tight, but – this is important. He needs to be able to speak, because Eren needs to know this.

“You don’t have to apologize, okay?”

“I…”

“And we – we’re just getting started, Eren. I promise. I’ll be back as soon as I can, alright?”

He pulls back a bit, so he can look at Eren, though he doesn’t go far; and Eren watches him for a second, before a more genuine smile slides across his face, and his fingers come up to brush Levi’s bangs out of his face, which – Levi’s eyes want to close, but he wants to see Eren, more.

“Okay, Levi. Okay, I believe you. We’re… just getting started. Got it.”

Levi nods, and watches Eren for a second – he still looks sad, but not as sad as he had been, at least – and then makes himself pull away. Kneels down to where all the dogs are running around their feet, with each of them making happy little sounds as Levi rubs his hands over their heads, his chest getting all tight when Sally reaches up to lick his chin; and then Levi needs to stand up again, because one quick glance shows him that Eren’s looking pretty fucking miserable, again.

And Levi’s as gentle as he can be as he links their fingers together, and leans in to kiss him, one last time – it’s _not_ the last time, though, and he needs to remember that – hears the catch in Eren’s breathing, and feels the way he sighs, kissing him so softly Levi can barely stand it – and then Levi squeezes Eren’s hands and steps back, his stomach turning over as he – slowly – unlocks their fingers, not missing the way Eren’s started blinking really hard, again; and Levi’s hands are shaking as reaches down to grab his backpack and sling it over his shoulder. His car’s already running, and he needs to leave, before either of them starts crying and makes this even worse.

“I’ll call. As soon as I’m in. I promise. Alright?”

Eren just stares at him, for a moment, and then manages a nod, watching him like he never wants to look away; and Levi stares back, his heart slamming, until he hefts his bag a bit higher and turns away. Doesn’t look back as he walks to the car, and drops his bag onto the passenger seat, before he walks around to the other side, and – looks up, to find Eren still just watching him, one of his hands resting on Lily’s head; and Levi raises a hand in goodbye, his throat going tight when Eren slowly does the same. Stands there, for a second, and then Levi gets in the car and puts it into gear, not looking back as he slowly nudges the car down the snowy driveway. Pauses just long enough to stick his hand out the window, one last time – in the mirror, he can see Eren doing the same, though he’s too far away for Levi to see his face – and then Levi turns the car out onto the road and starts to drive, though he’s aware that he’s gripping the steering wheel too hard.

This isn’t goodbye. It’s not. He needs to remember that.

It’s not going to be easy, sure – but this isn’t goodbye. And Levi needs to cling to that.

\- - -

Levi only makes it half an hour before he pulls over.

He’d been careful to not put the radio on – the last thing he needs is a bunch of goddamn love songs, as he drives away and leaves Eren standing on the doorstep – and the world is incredibly quiet as he eases the car onto the shoulder, and then puts it into park, before turning it off completely. He can’t waste gas right now. And if he’s going to sit here like an indecisive idiot, he’s just going to have to deal with the cold that’s already pressing in against the walls of his car.

It’s quiet. Utterly quiet, and the white fields seem to go on forever. No hint of a house, or a barn, or – anything. And Levi sits there for a moment before he presses his head against the steering wheel.

Four days. In just four days, Levi’s had his life turned completely upside down.

And he doesn’t want to go back to Vancouver. Eren’s at the farm for a few more days, still, until his reading week is done. Levi wants to turn around go right back there until Eren has to leave, too.

He can’t, though. His books sales have been decent enough, sure, but he gets a good bit of his editing work through his previous clients, who then recommend him on to new companies. He can’t just _not_ show up for a new position. He’s worked too hard to endanger his career like that.

He wants to, though. Wants to say fuck it all and turn the car right back around. Wants to go back to the farm and hide away with Eren and pretend that the rest of the world doesn’t exist.

Eren wouldn’t want him to, though. As much as he might want Levi to stay, he wouldn’t want to be the reason that Levi screws up his work life.

And it’s that knowledge, in the end, that has Levi starting the car and easing it back onto the road, although his throat’s pulled tight and he has to take a second to rub the tears out of his eyes.

This isn’t goodbye. He can’t stay, today, yes – but this isn’t goodbye for good.

And he just needs to focus on that.


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Final chapter, oh my gosh. Thank you so much to everyone for all the kind words while I've been writing this. Ya'll are the best, seriously. <3

Five Months Later

"I still can’t believe how nerdy we are.”

Eren’s got a tiny little smile on his face, and he sounds like he’s barely awake, where he’s resting against Levi – eyes closed, head on Levi’s stomach, and that horribly adorable smile on his lips – and Levi doesn’t bother to try to swallow down the crushing wave of affection. Just keeps up the movement of his fingers through Eren’s hair, his chest aching at how adorably sleepy Eren looks.

“Indeed.”

It’s all Levi can manage. His heart had crawled into his throat as soon as he’d gotten here, and that doesn’t look like that’ll be changing any time soon. He’s barely even paying any attention to the kittens – there are five of them, all recently named – Meowth, Persian, Mew, Pippin and Merry, because, yes, he and Eren are _such_ nerds – and they’re all curled up on the blanket with them; but even their adorable little mewing noises as they roll around on the blanket can’t distract Levi.

No, no matter how cute they are, Levi can’t focus on anything but the boy curled up against him.

They’re back in the barn, on Hanji’s farm, with the snow finally starting to melt, and the grass beginning to poke up from the ground, and they’ve put down a blanket on the barn floor – Levi’s suggestion, when he’d seen the kittens; and so far the blanket’s doing a decent enough job of providing a barrier between him and the germy floor – and Levi can’t believe how easy this is. They’ve had months of nothing but skype and texting, and they’ve still only actually spent four days in person together; and yet being together here feels like the most natural thing in the world.

It feels safe. Still feels safe. Hell, it feels even _more_ safe that it had five months ago.

Because he’s had five months to get to know Eren, now. Sure, not in person – but five months of phone calls, and skype dates, and sweet little texts, and actual honest-to-god handwritten letters, often complete with Eren drawing him adorable little doodles in the margins, and – Eren knows him better, at this point, than anyone else ever has. Knows things that Levi’s never shared with anyone – and he knows that Eren’s been just as vulnerable and open with him, too. Five months of sharing stories and staying up late together and making plans to get together again; and here they finally are, with Eren curled up against him and looking happier than Levi’s ever seen him.

That, and sleepy, too. His schedule’s been grueling, and Levi knows that he hasn’t been getting enough rest; and, yet, Eren’s still made time for Levi. Always made sure to keep in touch. And now he’s almost done for the year; and as soon as his exams are finished, Levi’s got a week booked off so he can join Eren on campus, and they can finally spend a good bit of time together.

It’s not perfect. Living two provinces apart was always going to be tricky. But it’s so beyond worth it; and Levi will do the long-distance thing for as long as they have to. It’s like Eren’s molded himself up against the edges of Levi’s life and fixed things that Levi hadn’t known were broken. And even with provinces between them, Levi still feels like Eren’s always with him.

It should be terrifying. He’s still not over that. Can’t believe how _not_ terrifying this all is.

He’s safe. Eren makes him feel safe.

“I’ve really missed you, Levi.”

Eren’s voice is soft, and his eyes are still closed, and his fingers are laced with Levi’s. There’s a kitten curled up against him, sound asleep; and Levi stares at Eren, his heart slamming so hard it hurts, and – yeah. Levi will do whatever it takes to make this work. As long as Eren still wants him, then Levi will be there. And he’s pretty damn sure that Eren’s in this for the long haul, too.

“I missed you, too.”

There’s nothing to be done about the obvious fondness in his voice, and Levi doesn’t even care to try. They’re far past that kind of pretense. And he’s just gotten distracted watching Eren smile – god, he’s _gorgeous_ – before Eren’s eyes open, and then he’s crawling up to sit crossed-legged on the blanket, reaching for one of the kittens, and petting her behind the ears as he stares at her.

“So, um. I was thinking.”

It sounds a bit unsure, suddenly, and he looks almost shy – looks very focused on the kitten, instead of looking at Levi – and Levi sucks in a breath, and pushes himself up on his elbows.

“Dangerous, that.”

“Shut up.”

He nudges Levi’s leg with his foot as he says it, and it gets a grin out of him, which is what Levi was going for; and Levi’s heart is still in his throat as he sits up, too, until his knees are nudging Eren’s. Watches as Eren swallows, even as the kitten tumbles out of his lap and wanders off, leaving just the two of them as Eren nervously twists his fingers in his lap; and Levi’s stomach is going all shaky and fluttery as he puts his hands on top of Eren’s, keeping it as gentle as he can.

“Eren. What is it?”

For a second, Eren doesn’t move. Then, his fingers twist to lace back into Levi’s.

“It’s pretty amazing how well you can read me, you know that?”

He’s still staring at his knees, and Levi can’t seem to think of what to say, so he leans in to press his lips against his forehead, instead – Eren had done it to him, so many times, the last time they were here, but Levi had never got the chance to return it – and he hears Eren suck in a breath, his grip tightening on Levi’s hands. Lingers there, for a second; and Eren’s looking overwhelmed when Levi pulls back, his eyes wide and his cheeks gone very pink as he holds on tight to Levi’s hands.

Levi can’t stop a smile. He’s been waiting months to do that. And the way Eren’s biting his lip – the way he looks like he’s had some kind of mini revelation – makes the wait well worth it.

“… Oh. So that’s… that’s why – no wonder you, um – like that. That’s… feel free to do that anytime, um –”

Levi only realizes he’s laughed when he’s already done it. Can hear how stupidly happy he sounds. And Eren just stares at him; and then he smiles like the fucking sun as he more or less just crawls on top of him, until they go down with Levi on his back and still giggling as Eren grins and shoves his face into Levi’s neck, curled up on top of him like he never wants to move.

“Oh my god, your laugh is _adorable_ . I’m still not over it. No matter how many times I hear it – _you_ _’re_ adorable, holy –”

“I am _not_ –”

“You _totally_ are. And, um – yeah, I finally get the forehead kiss thing. No wonder you always melted whenever I –”

He breaks on a yelp, though, when Levi pokes a finger into his ribs. Eren had mentioned once, on the phone, that he was ticklish as hell, and that he actually enjoyed being tickled, since it normally meant laughing himself to exhaustion; and while Levi’s not planning on testing that theory now, it does cut Eren off, leaving him giggling against Levi’s neck as he curls even closer.

“Okay, _okay,_ you didn’t melt, you –”

“No, you’re right. I totally did.”

His face is burning, but it gets Eren laughing again, so it’s worth it. And Levi’s skin is still hot when Eren pulls back to look at him, though his grin fades into something a bit softer; and Levi has to swallow. It’s suddenly very hard to keep looking at him. Christ, he’ll never get used to this.

“Hey, um. So, what I wanted to ask –”

He cuts himself off, though. Suddenly looks unsure again. And Levi’s stomach clenches tight.

He doesn’t want Eren to doubt this. He wants Eren to always feel secure in this.

And he keeps his hands gentle as he settles one on Eren’s hip, and presses the other against his cheek. Watches as Eren closes his eyes and leans in to it, a smile breaking through some of the hesitance, and – shit, he’s gorgeous. Levi wants to curl up around him until the sun comes up.

“Anything, Eren. I’m all ears. You can ask me anything.”

“Really?”

Levi nods, as Eren’s eyes slide back open. And Eren just watches him for a second, before his eyes drop down to Levi’s chest, watching as his fingers draw a gentle pattern against Levi’s shirt, which is just – it’s all so fucking adorable Levi can barely deal with it. Shit, he loves this boy.

“Okay, so what I was thinking, um. You know how… how you were gonna come visit me for a week, once my exams are done?”

His eyes are still on his own hand, and Levi nods, and then swallows. He should use words, here.

“Yeah. Is that still –”

“No, no, that would _totally_ still be fine, that’s – but what I was thinking is, um –”

He sucks in a breath, and seems to be steeling himself for something. Levi’s heart is slamming, and he’s careful as he rubs a thumb against Eren’s cheekbone, keeping it as soft as he can, until Eren sucks in another breath.

“What if… when classes are done… what if I came to Vancouver instead?”

He’s still not quite looking at Levi, and Levi is… he’s pretty sure he’s missing something, here. Eren knows that he’s welcome any time. They’ve made future plans for that, too. So why does he seem so unsure? He looks incredibly hesitant, actually; and Levi swallows, his throat going a bit tight.

“You – you’re always welcome –”

“But, um – okay, so what I mean is – alright, basically, I need to get a summer job, right, as soon as I can, because tuition is evil and I need to make as much money as I can by September, but –”

“Eren –”

“But… but there’s no reason I have to, um. Get that job here. In – in Alberta, I mean.”

For a long moment, as Eren just sits there and stares at his hands, Levi doesn’t get it.

Then, his heart starts beating very, very quickly.

“You… want to spend the summer in Vancouver?”

He only realizes how stunned he sounds when he’s already said it; and Eren instantly goes bright red and covers his face with both hands, smothering a groan and looking absolutely mortified.

“I’m _sorry,_ I’m – if that’s – too soon, or too much, or if it’s – weird, or –”

Levi can’t speak.

He needs to say something, but he can’t seem to speak.

Four months. He’d have Eren in Vancouver for _four months._

“Like – like, I-I know you said _visit_ , and this … well, living there for the entire summer wouldn’t really just be a _visit,_ and, um, I – I-I know it’s probably stupid, but I wanted to ask, at least –”

“I’ll ask my landlord.”

He barely gets it out. Can hear how breathless he is. And Eren’s eyes peek out from behind his fingers, before he drops his hands, his mouth hanging open, and – oh, god, could this actually work?

“She’s – we’re on good terms, I’m sure she wouldn’t mind, if we floated her some extra money –”

“You want me to _live_ with you?”

It’s pretty damn close to a squeak. And Levi – swallows, hard.

Oh. 

Okay, maybe he’s fucked this up. Maybe that’s not what Eren meant.

“I… I thought…”

“I was gonna find myself a place, I’ve been looking into – cheap communal housing, or…”

He stops, though; and Levi can’t seem to say anything, either, his stomach turning over, because – wow, is he ever an _idiot._ Talk about rushing into something. Of course Eren didn’t mean –

“You’d… would you really want me to live with you?”

It’s very soft, and Eren’s back to staring down between them, again.

For a horrible second, Levi hesitates. Then, he takes Eren’s hands in his, his heart slamming.

“Your call, alright? I mean that. I – whatever you’d be most comfortable with, okay?”

Eren’s staring at him, now; and it’s Levi’s turn, apparently, to find something fascinating on the blanket to stare at. He’s pretty sure his hands might be sweating, a bit, but he can’t help it.

 _Shit,_ he needs his heart to stop pounding so hard.

“I mean, I know we’re – doing this all backwards, and out of order… and if you’d be more comfortable on your own – I mean, of _course_ I want you in Vancouver, that – that’d be _amazing_ , but – I want whatever works best for you, in terms of where y-you’d want to be living, so –”

“I wouldn’t be imposing?”

The uncertainty there is enough to steal Levi’s breath; and he looks up to find Eren still staring at him, looking all unsure and hesitant, and… Levi takes a breath, and then rocks up on his knees until he can press his lips to Eren’s forehead, again. Feels the way it takes all of three seconds for the tension to seep out of Eren, his arms sliding up around Levi as Levi kneels there, and – he can’t get right pressed against Eren, with Eren’s legs crossed between them, but – that’s okay. This is still good, apparently, based on the way Eren seems to have gone boneless against him.

“Levi…”

“Not imposing. Not at all.”

“Are you –”

“I’m sure. In fact, I'd love to have you there.”

For a second, Eren doesn’t say anything. There’s just the feel of his heart slamming, and the way his breath is gentle against Levi’s neck. Then, he sighs and leans harder against Levi, his grip tightening around him, and his fingers gentle as they start moving in little circles against Levi’s back, and – Levi closes his eyes, the sudden awareness of what they’re doing seeming to hit him.

Oh, god. Four months. He gets to wake up beside this boy for an entire four months.

“Gonna be really nice to fall asleep beside you, instead of on the other end of the phone.”

It’s so soft Levi barely hears it; and then he squeezes his eyes shut, his stomach going all fluttery.

Yeah. That’s… yeah. Really nice, indeed.

“Yeah. Yeah, it really will.”

He sounds just as overwhelmed as he feels, but that’s okay. He doesn’t have to hide that from Eren. And they just kind of balance there, holding on tight, until a tiny mewing sound eventually makes them part; and Eren just stares at him for a second, looking just as overwhelmed as Levi, before a tiny smile crosses his lips, and he looks down to where Pippin is trying to paw at his knee.

“Oh, I’m sorry, were we ignoring you?”

He gets a little meow in response, even as Pippin tries – and fails – to climb up onto his knee; and Eren grins – christ, Levi can’t stop _staring_ at him – and picks Pippin up, cradling him against his chest as he looks back up and smiles at Levi, again, and – god, he just looks so _happy_.

“Guess I’d best start looking for a job, then.”

Levi can’t quite speak. Manages a nod, and then takes a breath.

“I’ll ask around. See if I can find anything.”

“Thanks, Levi.”

Eren’s still grinning at him, all bright-eyed and sweet and wonderful and oh my _god_ , they’re going to have _four months_ together – and Levi’s very gentle about it as he wraps his arms back around Eren, again, careful to not squish the kitten between them. Hears Eren’s happy breathless little laugh, and then he closes his eyes when Eren leans against him, letting Levi hold him up.

Four months. Eren will have to leave again, after that – he’s still got another year of school, after all, and they’ve got a lot more long-distance ahead of them – but they’re going to have a hint, at least, of what it might be like to not live entire time zones apart, and that is – that’s incredible.

They have the entire summer together. And Levi’s not going to take a second of it for granted.

\- - -

He stays for three more days.

They cuddle with the kittens, and take the puppies – who are all overjoyed to see Levi – out for walks, watching them splash around in all the melting snow piles. They sit out on the back deck and drink hot chocolate together, watching the sun set. And they get naked in Eren’s bed, and in the shower, and in front of the fireplace – again – until they’re both shaky and exhausted and completely overwhelmed. And the entire time Eren just seems so _happy_ Levi can barely process it.

He does that. He makes Eren happy.

Levi still can’t believe he somehow stumbled into this boy’s life.

And the morning that he has to leave, again – this time, it doesn’t sting nearly as much. This time, he knows they have something else waiting for them, and soon. Eren’s got one more month of school, and then he can wander in the Vancouver direction. They’ll have an entire four months together, then, before he has to go back to school, and – yeah. That’s amazing. It’s not a permanent solution, but it’s a start. And this time when Levi pulls out of the driveway – after Eren kisses him goodbye on the doorstep, playing with his hair and wearing a smile so sweet it makes Levi ache straight through – Levi doesn’t have to pull over and get himself together again.

It still hurts, but it’s a bit easier.

Because they can do this. They’re making it work.

For a long while, yet, probably, they’ll need to snag moments whenever they can – this upcoming summer, and then back to the occasional weekend, probably, after that – but they’re making it work, and – one day, maybe, they won’t just have to snag whatever moments they can. Maybe, one day, they’ll be living in the same city, and they won’t have to say goodbye so often.

For now, though – they have skype, and phones, and they have the upcoming summer; and Levi knows that Eren is just as dedicated to making this work, and – Levi realizes that he’s smiling as he turns the radio on. Finds some sappy love song, and then rolls the window down, still smiling.

Yeah. They’re making this work.

It won’t always be easy, but they’ll figure it out.

Eren wants this to work as much as Levi does, and that’s all that Levi needs.

And in the immediate - he's going to spend the drive coming up with a list of gorgeous places in the Vancouver area to take Eren to.

They have the entire summer together, and Levi feels like he's quite possibly never going to stop smiling.


End file.
